Mixtapemotions

  • “Soothsayer” by Of Monsters and Man, Friday, May 21, 2021

     

    Every year my school’s first grade curriculum reads an article about life in Iceland. This scenic, yet lonely Northern European island boasts some of the hardest working Europeans and some of the most expensive goods, as so much is imported. As for exports, Iceland sends fish and aluminum to other EU countries and the United States; however, before the pandemic tourism made up to 10% of Iceland’s GDP. As for cultural exports, we get the word geyser from Icelandic. The country harnesses its geysers and volcanos to power the country with what they call geothermic power. Aside from some beautiful scenes in movies like 2014’s The Secret Life of Walter Mitty much of Iceland isn’t common knowledge to most Americans. Some music fans will remember avant-garde singer-songwriter Björk from the ‘90s or post-rock band Sigur Rós. In 2011, Of Monsters and Men did it for Iceland and became the nation’s highest charting hit with the song “Little Talks.”

    YOU’VE BECOME A TEMPO THAT MY HEART KNOWS. The band’s third release explores beyond the realm of their home genre of Indie-Folk rock. The result is today’s song, “Soothsayer,” the album’s catchy closer that sounds like a female-fronted ‘80s rock ballad. The song digs into the emotions of a relationship on the hinge of becoming serious. The singer has already invested so much time into the relationship, and she wants her time and her feelings to pay off. Sound familiar? It’s the late night in the blue light of the TV screen conversation you have when you assess your feelings.

    I KNOW THIS CAN’T BE WASTED LOVE. But romantic love isn’t the only feeling we have to assess. Lately I’ve been assessing my love for my career. Teaching is one of the most abusive loves. Teachers truly have to be masochists to take the abuse from administration, parents, and sometimes students and the media if we’re particularly unlucky. I’ve been down because of this abuse lately. On a weekend I felt worn down, I thought about designing a teacher website as a kind of digital resume to show potential schools my teaching skills, but I fell discouraged after looking at examples. The examples were educators who wrote articles, had stellar student reviews as well as great student work. I just felt tired from all of the grading and planning and the rinsing and repeating. Even one of my recent podcasts, Straight, White American Jesus, the hosts are religious studies professors, and they talk about reading 100 papers a week and doing the podcast. Who has the time? That being said, when the feelings of being overwhelmed subside–I’ve not been this busy in prior years, I usually feel fulfillment in seeing my students’ achievement. At this point, though, I wonder how to weave all the elements in my story together to make an impactful career? As an educator, I encourage my students to follow their dreams, but I don’t know what my dream is. I just don’t want my love, the time that I’ve put into my career, to be wasted.

  • “Balconies” by Paper Route, Thursday, May 20, 2021

    Listening to Paper Route makes me wonder, what if Coldplay, after recording X & Y had continued making electronic music and honed in on their lyrics. Paper Route has a solid a pop-rock band, on par with any of their contemporaries (i.e. OneRepublic, Coldplay), but their somewhat eccentric fidelity to their craft, recording their albums themselves in old Tennessee mansions to let the natural acoustics reverberate on the record, had cemented them as an indie rock band. “Balconies” was kind of Paper Route’s first and last hit. The band’s music had been featured in movies and television shows, but “Balconies” got them a late night performance slot on Seth Meyers. As one of the most obvious hits from their third album, Real Emotion, the song was released to radio, but didn’t do too well on the charts. After touring to support the album, the band went on “an indefinite hiatus.” However, as the band has had long gaps between albums, I wonder if JT Daly and Chad Howat will assemble a group of musicians together for album number 4.


    RAISE YOUR ARMS AND HOLD WHAT YOU CAN’T REPLACE. “Balconies” uses several mixed metaphors to convey a message about being unable to hold it together. The singer claims “that the simple things [he] can’t get right” and he “know[s] that it’s [his] fault,” yet he offers to comfort the listener: “you don’t have to speak/ you can just sleep while I drive.” He talks about the difficulties he faces: “for every wound there’s a hill to climb” and that he has a “hunting heart trying to survive.” This song can draw an obvious connection to Daly’s lyrical theme of wrestling with God and religion, but it also seems to be about his other theme, struggles with romantic relationships. If it’s the first option, the singer is letting God down in the first verse, and in the second God is offering comfort. I don’t like how the speaker shifts so much in that interpretation, so I think the song is about showing support for a loved when you both are having a hard time. The minor key keyboard synth riff that is repeated throughout the song sounds like rain, and the subject matter of the song matches with the dreary sounds of the song.

    IF I’M IN YOUR DREAMS, AM I WHAT YOU WANT TO FIND? “Balconies” is certainly not Paper Route’s lyrical masterpiece, but it is a comforting, uplifting song. It was a perfect song of the day because of the bleak weather we’ve been having lately. Yesterday it cleared up for a day only to start raining again today. Whenever I hear “Balconies” on days like today, I’m transported back to my childhood on a boring, rainy day. My mom is running the dryer and folding the laundry and as I got older I folded the laundry. She’s watching some late afternoon talk show and I’m watching it too because there’s nothing else to do. I’m sitting on the couch, warm towels just out of the dryer are covering me, and I feel the warmth of the afternoon laundry. Later mom announces it’s boxed macaroni and cheese for dinner. That was pretty typical food when growing up and there was nothing special about it, but on boring days like today, mac and cheese is kind of a highlight. I can’t fully understand the struggles of my parents trying to feed three kids on a single income. I don’t know what their daily hopes and fears were. I was sheltered from it. I can look back fondly on those boring, rainy afternoons when I didn’t have to worry about money or not being loved by my parents. I know that this is not true of every family, so I’m thankful for the privilege that I had for that time. I think “Balconies” taps into that human emotion of a loved one saying, “Don’t worry about it and let carry your burden for a bit.” It may be just a box of macaroni and cheese, and we may have to worry about our nutrition later, but you won’t be hungry. And sometimes that’s what you need.
    Music Video: 

    Seth Meyers Performance:

    Album Release Live Acoustic Performance:

     

  • “Talk All Night for Nothing [live]" by Tyson Motsenbocker ft. Jon Foreman, Wednesday, May 19, 2021

     

    I went through a Jack Kerouac/Beat phase around 2015-2016 back when I was trying to as many authors that I hadn’t read. I read a few of his books and they’re kind of a blur now, but I remember reading On the Road, Big Sur, and The Dharma Bums. At the time of reading these books, there was something about the nomadic lifestyle, free of anchoring possessions that resonated with my college-debt, experience seeking soul. Of course, On the Road is Kerouac’s most accessible and popular novel, which introduces us to the themes Kerouac explores in his work–a migratory life, sexual fluidity, and Americana, but The Dharma Bums especially highlights another theme: seeking enlightenment. This 1958 novel brought Buddhism into the living rooms of post-World War II Americans.

    I DON’T WANT TO DRIVE IF I CAN’T KEEP THE KEYS. Today is Buddha’s birthday as celebrated in South Korea. Buddhism, like every major world religion, takes on various forms and denominations, so talking about what a Buddhist believes may not be completely accurate. However, the Buddha taught his followers to give up worldly desire because it can lead to suffering. One of the most effective ways to do that was to free oneself of their possessions. Today when I listened to Tyson Motsenbocker’s “Talk All Night for Nothing,” I thought back to the time when I valued adventure over stability. This wasn’t a long period of time, and adventure for me was nothing wild. But seven months into my first relationship in the summer of 2015, I began to feel trapped. Even though we were never really right for each other, I jumped right in. That’s what you do when you have no dating practice for 26 years. That’s what you do when you were brought up taught that purity was more important than happiness. But when summer came and I had a lot of free time, but his busy work assignment kept me from hearing from him for days, I couldn’t help but to seek adventure with a smartphone and a few choice applications, and this ended the relationship.
    THINK I WANT YOU TO TEXT ME SOME MORE. While Motsonbocker’s song seems to be about someone else, I wonder if it’s about him. After the death of his mother, Motsenbocker walked from San Diego to the Golden Gate Bridge,  writing his debut album on his journey. I don’t want to assume anything about Motsenbocker, but I wonder if when he is writing about the girl he doesn’t then does want to text him is really about the time when he was detached from society, grieving the loss of his mother. My summer of ’15 has a few break-up songs I’ve written filed away on my computer and the music is in my brain. Our first break up didn’t take. I promised to work through it and try harder. I thought I loved him, and I could have been happy enough. But I wasn’t sure that happy enough was good enough. I teetered between security and adventure. But on July 31st I ended it. It didn’t feel right. I thought I loved him, but I wanted more than good enough. I wanted a future, and I couldn’t see it with him. I just wanted to have fun for a bit. I wanted to experience the Kerouacan life like everyone else. And that’s when you realize that all you talked about all night, meant nothing. 

  • "What Went Wrong?" by Until June, Tuesday, May 18, 2021 (Trigger Warning: Depression, Suicide)

    Until June was a promising young emo-pop band by the time they released their debut album. The American band had a number one hit in Greece, and their songs were included on many television shows. Their melodic, often airy guitar and piano sounds blended nicely with lead singer Josh Ballard’s falsetto vocals. While there were several artists that did falsetto on the radio during that time (i.e. Maroon 5 and James Blunt), Until June’s music was more closely akin to fellow Indie Christian rockers like Deas Vail or Copeland and wasn’t exactly mainstream for American pop at the time. Still, 2007’s self-titled debut album was a like a glass of iced tea on an early summer evening. The band had potential. Their 2012 delayed follow up Young & Foolish was also a fine album, and I apologize that song isn’t on Apple Music (I’ll substitute for another song from their first album). Their Wikipedia page lacks citations and there is very little information about them around the web. Their Twitter and Facebook went silent by 2014. So, what went wrong?


    HOW I LET YOU GO, HOW YOU SLIPPED AWAY? There were two major times in my life that I consider my nadir. Today, I’ll talk about one of them. It was at the end of college. I had finished up the course work for my English major and my minors and it was time for me to do my student teaching. My college did two placements for student teaching. They tried to give us one public and one private school teaching spot. On a rare occasion, a teacher would be given a third placement, but we were told to avoid that. A third placement meant you messed up. Student teaching would be the final class before graduations. Up until that point, I had been a pretty solid student, acing most English classes with a few A-‘s for the tougher professors. My lowest score was Intermediate Spanish, a B-, but B’s were pretty rare for me. I made A’s in my education classes and took them seriously. However, when it came to student teaching, something was off. There was the daily work at school and the paperwork and documentation I had to keep up with in the evening. At first I turned in my work on time, but later fell behind. I tried to do the teaching plans first, documentation could wait for the end of the course.


    I DREAMT OF SLEEPING IN THE SEA. To make matters worse, I was not good at teaching at that time. I was so nervous of being observed by my professors and my cooperating teacher who held the fate of my teaching license in their hands. About midway through my first placement, my college professor finally observed me. He had been working on his dissertation and hadn’t been around much. He confronted me that my teaching was not up to standard and my paperwork that I had turned in was not unsatisfactory. My cooperating teacher agreed and from that point it was very hard to go to school, knowing that I was looking forward to my failure. I lost all confidence in myself and my lessons deteriorated. I came home every day depressed. One day I took a bath and sat in the tub for hours, wishing I could drown. It was the closest I had ever come to contemplating suicide. I had come so close to what I thought was my dream of being a teacher, but I sucked at teaching. I had no idea what I was going to do with my life. Fortunately,  I had a few systems in place. I had friends I could reach out to. I had professors (not my advisor) who were concerned about me. They had graded me and they didn’t want me to fail. And I had music. Anberlin‘s Dark Is the Way, Light Is the Place, Relient K‘s Forget and Not Slow Down and Paper Route’s “Better Life.” And those songs mixed with my prayers in the car kept me attending. Family over Christmas and a surprisingly uplifting final season of Smallville lifted my spirits over the holidays. After graduation in December, I took a third student teaching position to prove to myself I could do it.

  • "Straight Up" by Paula Abdul, Monday, May 17, 2021

     

    Before she was a singer, Paula Abdul was a dancer and choreographer, working on Hollywood movies and with some of the biggest names in ’80s music in the golden age of the music video. But when her debut album dropped in 1988 her third single, “Straight Up” took her to the top of the charts. “Straight Up” started a streak of six number-one hits. However,  Abdul released her latest studio album in 1995, occasionally touring with the old songs since, but mostly working on other endeavors, like judging American Idol, The X Factor, Masked Singer, and other reality TV appearances. 

    HOW ABOUT SOME INFORMATION, PLEASE? “Straight Up” is straight up a guilty pleasure song these days. The song has appeared in movies, but it’s not to the cliché level of some classic rock songs, like “Walking on Sunshine” or “One Way or Another.” Coming across the song today at work while grading papers on a gloomy, now third day of no sunshine and heavy rain, I remembered how this song first resonated with me–hearing it on the staticky radio, running errands on a rainy day. The D-minor chord progression of this track offers that classic ’80s overproduced sound with a twinge of sadness, a hint of badassery, and a heavy dose of nostalgia. But what I noticed today was while the first part of the song was catchy, the production on the second verse and the bridge doesn’t hold up. Modern recording practices could have nailed it, but the instrumentation leaves Abdul’s vocals bare, and the vocalization and mismatched rhymes need something to cover them. But then I did a little research. It turns out that one of the produces of Abdul’s first record was Glen Ballard, a name that looked familiar. Ballard was a famous producer and performer whose career started with Michael Jackson‘s Thriller. After working with Abdul, he would go on to produce Alanis Morrissette‘s Jagged Little Pill. In the 2000s, he worked with Katy Perry to rebrand her as a pop star on One of the Boys, an album that seems to miss the mark on production by today’s standards. According to an episode of Lead Singer Syndrome, P.O.D. lead vocalist, Sonny Sandoval, talked about Ballard (their producer for their Testify album which also features Perry) took young artists on as projects. He spent lots of time with these musicians and helped to rebrand them. 

    AM I CAUGHT UP IN A HIT-AND-RUN? Despite all of the metaphors involving one night stands and slamming, this song got me thinking about intentions. I get very frustrated when people don’t show their intentions or when they have some game of chess they’re playing with other people. In fact, one criticism about working in Korea is that the boss’s intentions are never clear. You have to play mind games to figure out what your boss actually wants. Not coming from the business world where I can see the value of masking your true intentions, I don’t think trickery or manipulation have any place in the classroom. But two years ago, our boss hired a teacher who was very shady. He was the boss’s lapdog, and we learned that he had ambition to be promoted. We also found that he was a habitual liar, even lying about his resume credentials. But he maneuvered around school, building key relationships and trying to show himself as the go-to teacher for responsibilities. His dishonesty and opaque intensions, but the other teachers in my department on edge, and eventually we developed closer alliances because of him. I tried to use my position of authority and my job experience to raise concern about how dangerous this teacher was to not only the teachers’ mental state, but also how this teacher was teaching students wrong information and was ignorant of basic English skills needed to instruct in an English as a foreign language classroom. What worked best was to straight up tell him about his faults and keep pointing them out rather than letting it be points of gossip. When I told him straight up, he started to back down on his ambition and even set his sights on a new school.

  • "Blind" by Lifehouse, Sunday, May 16, 2021

     

    It’s been 20 years since the post-grunge “Hanging By a Moment” was the number 1 song of the year. Although the Christian Rock band Lifehouse never actually topped the weekly charts, the song had so much statistical force via radio play and record sales that the song became one of rare cases when a single that peaked at number 2 could actually claim the number 1 position for the year. No Name Face featured three singles, but none were as big as “Hanging By a Moment.” For the band’s follow up, Lifehouse signed a Christian music marketing deal with Sparrow Records. Stanley Climbfall was no where near as successful as the No Name Face, but a sophomore slump didn’t plunge the band into obscurity. In 2005, the band released their self-titled album which boasted their number one hit which was appearing in every TV show that year, the prom/wedding favorite, “You and Me.” 


    I WAS YOUNG BUT I WASN’T NAIVE. “Blind,” the band’s second single, was overshadowed by the massive first hit, just as the other singles from No Name Face. But while the wedding and prom industry needs new songs every year and “You and Me” is a rather fine choice, the brooding “Blind” delves into lead singer Jason Wade‘s childhood and his parents’ divorce. The music video stars actress Tina Majorino, best known for her role as Deb in Napoleon Dynamite, who acts as a goth chick browbeaten by her womanizing father. Majorino’s character seems to act as a foil to Wade. When the band is playing in the goth chick’s room, Wade and the girl make knowing eye contact for a moment. Interestingly, the normally no-frills Jason Wade is seen in this video wearing eye liner, or sometimes called guy-liner, a trend that punk and emo groups rocked at this time. Some examples were Green Day and My Chemical Romance. Lifehouse was far from being the dark emo band, but “Blind” was one of their darker songs. Furthermore, Lifehouse in the video seems to represent the role that music plays in escaping childhood/teenage trauma. For one of their biggest Christian Rock hits, Lifehouse didn’t make a moralizing video, but rather when the father is out on his infidelity escapades, the daughter throws a party where everyone dances to Lifehouse and she kisses a boy. And from this party she comes to the clarity that it’s time to leave her father’s house. 

    I WOULD FALL ASLEEP ONLY IN HOPES OF DREAMING THAT EVERYTHING WOULD BE LIKE IT WAS BEFORE. My mom always scolded me for watching music videos, so as soon as she went out, I’d watch TVU, Fuse, and whatever other music channel wasn’t playing reality TV. Every time this video came on my sister and I would yell “It’s Deb!” When I was growing up my parents fought constantly. I remember going to bed to the sound of their fighting some nights. My parents told us that they made a commitment to marriage so they would not get a divorce. My mom’s parents had divorced, and it probably left a lot of emotional scars. But I secretly wanted my parents to divorce. Maybe it would solve the bitter arguments. For years I blamed my parents for distorting marriage. I told myself, if this is marriage, I don’t want it. My parents are still married, but live very separate lives. They live in the same house but on opposite sides. They work different schedules. They spend time together, but too much time sets them off on each other. I’ve let a lot of it go since I’ve been away from my family. I think that my parents let go of their childhood trauma in a similar way once they moved away from it. Maybe we’re not really over it, but at least there was the music to help me through it.

  • "Get a Little Weird" by Number One Gun, Saturday, May 15, 2021

    Number One Gun was a band that was always around in the Christian Rock scene, but never seemed to be anyone’s favorite band. From 2007-2014, the band became a solo project for Jeff Schneeweis. Former band members went on to form the band Surrogate, but also contributed to the NOG’s last album This Is All We Know, which is still shrouded in controversy. The episode of the podcast Don’t Feed the Trolls called “Band Brotherhood,” features a fun conversation with Number One Gun’s former guitarist, Chris Keene, where he dishes on the lead singer Jeff Schneeweis and his failure to deliver on Kickstarter pledges. Several other members from other bands have talked about Number One Gun as the example of what not to do in a Kickstarter campaign. All in all, it’s a pretty sad way to end a career in Christian Rock.

    I GIVE IT UP TO YOU, I NEED A NEW LIFE. When I’m feeling nostalgic, I can sit in bed and try to remember every band that had a hit on RadioU. Number One Gun was a band that was always there. In fact, when I read the book by Spin Magazine writer, Andrew Beaujon Body Piercing Saved My Life: Inside the Phenomenon of Christian Rock, Beaujon visits Tooth & Nail’s headquarters and in the basement, Number One Gun is recording what Beaujon said is a sappy, generic pop sound (if I remember correctly). Sappy and generic. Sometimes you need the grilled cheese on white bread and American cheese of music. That’s what Number One Gun is. Their early hits like “We Are” and “The Starting Line” are pretty much that. However, to Schneeweis’s credit, I think that Gun’s music significantly improves with his last two albums, To the Secrets and Knowledge and This Is All We Know. The latter having guest spots by Sarah Ann from seeyousoon and Stephen Christian of Anberlin. But, as with a lot of Christian Rock, you may be scratching your head wondering what the hell the lyrics mean. Case in point, who is “you” in this song? “I give it up to you, I need a new life” seems to imply God. But “I could see what you bring / False hope and fear” seems to imply the devil.
    WILL I HAVE ENOUGH TO MAKE THE SUN RISE. I grew up post-dc talk Jesus Freak, an album that defined ’90s Christian Rock and on which 2000s Christian Rock furthered. Nineties Christian Rock was all about the big three bands dc talk, Audio Adrenaline, and Newsboys, and all three bands were radical in their countercultural message. Audio Adrenaline declared “you can take a stand in your Public school,” the Newsboys said “take ’em to your leader son,” and dc talk asked, “What would people think if they knew that I’m a Jesus Freak? What would people do if they find that it’s true?” In 2001, Skillet told their followers to “grab all the freaks and let’s go” as they “took over the world… the alien youth.” Mute Math, when they were still a Christian band, echoed the Apostle Paul in saying they were a “Peculiar People.” In Christian subculture, weirdness was a virtue and it was coupled with an abrasive attitude toward everyone who wasn’t Christian or really Christian (aka evangelical). Eventually weirdness in Christian Rock led to embracing punk/alternative styles. Bands could be “freaks” in their style choices. These bands could play the martyr card when both the mainstream world and more conservative Christians mocked or condemned them. And how did weirdness play out for Christian kids? I can’t speak for everyone, but being “set apart from the world” and expecting to be rejected by peers that were either a) directly of the world or b) Christians who were too much of the world was a lonely confirmation that I was on the right path. While my peers were having fun, I sat at home becoming more and more introverted. I didn’t know how to cultivate any social skills. I was terrified of being led astray, and in most situations with other people, I was too weird. 

     

  • "Rings & Roses" by Dabin ft. Conor Bryne, Friday, May 14, 2021

    Dabin is a melodic EDM music producer from Toronto, and Conor Bryne is known for his YouTube covers. I first heard this song last week when Apple Music played it as a “music you may like based on the artists you just played.” It’s probably the most surefire way for me to discover music these days. Neither artist has a Wikipedia page as of yet, so I feel like I can be a tastemaker when I recommend this song. Based on the nursery rhyme, “Ring Around the Rosie,” “Rings & Roses” explores the career path of someone, a friend or a lover, who is pursuing fame. That person has become too popular for the singer, who warns that in the end “they all fall down.” Simple enough.


    WAITIN’ ON THE DREAM YOU BEEN SOLD. Part of the American Dream is indoctrinating elementary-school-aged children that they can be anything they want to be when they grow up. Of course, as the children get older, teachers start to point them in a different direction. They try to help Suzy realize that she should also focus on academics in case she can’t grow up to be a pop star. As children get closer and closer to the point where they either get accepted or rejected by the college of their choice, the world begins to start narrowing for them. But when I was growing up, I didn’t have any specific goals. I would go to school to be a teacher because I couldn’t think of anything else to do besides being a professional musician. But I was scared to death of the commitment and the uncertainty it would take to be a professional musician. I thought that being a teacher would at the very least be a secure income. I found the work rewarding. But now I’m coming to the point where I have to chose what I want to be when I grow up. My student loans are almost paid. I’m feeling stuck in my job, and I’m realizing that I’m free. But free to do what?

    I MISS YOU. I MISS YOU. WHERE ARE YOU NOW? Meanwhile, I’ve built my life in Korea. I’ve been here for longer than I ever said I would. I was sure that I would begin my teaching career in the states by at least three years after teaching in Korea. However, falling in love kept me here. For a while, too, it seemed like everything I was doing at my job would help further my career. But there’s a time when you realize that staying in the same job is no longer growth but stagnation. I’ve gotten too comfortable doing the same thing, losing connections, and embracing introversion. Then two weeks ago my dad had a stroke. It shook my understanding about work/life responsibility. For my family, a steady income is the greatest virtue. But I reflected on how a steady income made my dad so mentally unhealthy. He coped with the stress with food and cigarettes. For me, a steady job means that it’s much more difficult to see and talk with my family. This would normally be okay, but the two years away is really starting to wear on me. And my dad’s stroke really scared me. I wonder if, like this song, I’m stretching too far. Trying to be a professional teacher and failing to make the connections. Trying to be a good boyfriend. Trying to be a good son. Trying to live in a country where I can wear out my welcome. “In the end they all fall down.”

  • “Embers and Envelopes” by Mae, Thursday, May 13, 2021

     

    Every band has tackled the Covid-19 pandemic in different ways. Many bands are selling live-stream tickets. Some have decided to give free concerts on social networking. Cleared from the time-consuming task of driving across the country, setting up equipment, and tearing down only to drive to the next city, musicians have been able to produce music in new ways. It doesn’t hurt that all of their equipment and professional microphones are in their basements. Last year, Emery produced a show on their Twitch channel, in which they played their songs. They often had guest vocalists from other bands, such as Hawthorne Heights, Silverstein, and Dave Elkins of Mae. Emery reimagined some of their songs and the guest vocalist’s band’s songs too. The collaboration of “Embers and Envelopes” was a beautiful updated take on Mae’s first single. 


    I KNOW YOU HAVE SACRIFICED TIME, LIFE, LOVE. I’ve been having a bad few weeks. It seems that no matter what I do, I cannot catch up with the mountain of work piling up on my desk. Plan. Grade. Teach. Get surprised by schedule changes. Plan. Almost grade. Teach. Teach. Plan. Teach. On top of the workload, the principal is complaining about the native teachers’ classes because of our use of Google Classroom. Exhausted over the weekend, I try to focus on how to make my teaching career more professional and how I can be a more marketable teacher and eventually work for a more professional school, but I see the good examples with the benchmarks that I’m not reaching. I see the records I never kept of student surveys, amazing student work. Then I think about how hard you work to be a great teacher and how much debt you get into for the credentials. Is it even worth it? On top of that there are problems at home in America. My dad had a health scare, and there’s nothing I can do about it in Korea. In the midst of this funk, I’ve been so cold to teachers in other departments when they ask for favors. 

    TO WRITE THIS DOWN AS MEANS TO RECONCILE. “Embers and Envelops” contrasts reconciliation with alienation, writing a letter or burning a bridge. One of the hardest things to learn about working in Korea is not shooting the messenger. You may have an issue with the top, and the top has strategically put set the messenger up to take the fall, but it’s important to make it crystal clear that your issue is with the top and not the messenger. But it’s hard to do that when you feel deeply depressed. It’s hard to do that when you care less and less every day. If and when you pick yourself out of that mess, apologize and explain your situation. Not fully as to give that person ammunition against you later. Apologize for the stray bullets fired. And bring a gift.
    Mae:

    Dave Elkins ft. Emery

  • "I Won't Give Up" by Eric Nam (Jason Mraz Cover), Wednesday, May 13, 2021

    In every small town to major city in South Korea there are private karaoke rooms called noraebang (노래방). These are used by everyone from middle school students escaping the stress of studying for exams to middle-aged office workers, pressured into going out and drinking with the boss. Since I’ve been in Korea, I’ve heard them mentioned in American TV shows or movies in major cities; however, noraebang culture is much more permeated in Korean culture than karaoke is in America. So what is sung in these karaoke rooms? You can spend hours browsing the song selection from old Korean throat music (트롯), a kind of old-timey, often disco sounding music that Korean ajoshis or ajumas (아주씨, 아줌마), or middle aged people, love. There are K-pop songs through out the ages and international songs like Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese, Spanish, and of course English pop, rock, and traditional songs. When you go to a noraebang, you select the song you want to sing and the lyrics appear on the screen. There’s sometimes the music video, but usually a generic backing video that accompanies the song. After the song, the machine will measure your pitch and timing and give you a score based on how well you followed the song. It’s quite a fun evening, and a karaoke room is usually about $20 for an hour if you have a big group and less for a smaller room.


    HOW OLD IS YOUR SOUL. It was October of 2012 when I first experienced the noraebang. There was a talent show at church on a Saturday night and a bunch of other English teachers came from other parts of Korea. After the talent show a bunch of people went out for dak galbi (닭갈비) a spicy chicken dish that was the most famous dish in the city I lived Chuncheon (춘천). As the evening drew on, we lost more and more people, the way that all large nights out do, but after dinner and maybe a cafe, we headed to sing karaoke, which, in my American culture of just getting to know people would be terrifying. American karaoke is usually in public on a small stage in a pub, but Korean karaoke was a private event. I sat and watched the karaoke and sang Oasis’s “Wonderwall” toward the end of the night. The evening consisted of songs like “Diamonds” and “Umbrella” by Rihanna, Alicia Keys/Jay Z, Beyonce, songs from movies, old songs, Franz Ferdinand “Take Me Out,” a few Korean songs like “Monster” by Big Bang, “Ugly” by 2en1, and at some point someone sang the new Jason Mraz song “I Won’t Give Up.” I had heard the song before, but seeing the words made them stick out and resonant with me. 

    WE’VE GOT A LOT TO LEARN. At most points in my life, I had carefully curated the influence I allowed in. My blog is a pretty good reflection of that. I grew up not allowed to watch R-rated movies until I was 17 (with a few exceptions). I had to hide my record collection from my mom, but I chose to listen to mostly Christian music. I cut off friendships that I thought would lead me away from the Lord. In college, I felt a kind of duty to catch up on the culture I had cut myself off from. I started listening more broadly, watching questionable movies, especially if they were artistic, and reading everything I could. I wanted to be well-versed in my Christian apologetics. There was a culture war, and I didn’t want to be an ignorant solider in it. But when I came to Korea, I met up with some pretty conservative Christians who were all about sheltering themselves from worldly influence. I was very frustrated with that stance, and I felt Christians should be allowed to explore art for what it is, while understanding that it is not holy and that the answers come from the Bible. What was interesting about Jason Mraz’s song is his evoking God’s name into his message. Of course, artists do this all the time, call on the name of God without it being the God of the Bible. However, something about when Mraz declares, “God knows we’re worth it,” reminded me of Christian humanism, a philosophy I had flirted with in college, but ultimately rejected because of the little Calvinism that crept into Adventism, telling us that humans are nothing outside of God. This song helped to spark the journey that I’m on today. Love is worth it. Who I am is who God created me to be. I have worth because I have worth.

    I’M GIVING YOU ALL MY LOVE. The version of the song I chose is a rare cover version by Korean-American singer/songwriter, TV personality Eric Nam. Before his K-pop career started, his YouTube channel featured covers of other famous artists, but these days those videos are only available through other sources. I talked about Nam back in March, and I think that his version is slightly better than Mraz’s because of the guitar work (not played by Nam as far as I know); however, Mraz’s version will end up on my Apple Music version because Nam’s is not available on Apple Music.