Mixtapemotions

  • “Imagination” by Shawn Mendes, Friday, September 10, 2021

    Shawn Mendes’s first four albums all debuted at number one on Billboard’s Hot 200 Album Chart. Born in 1998, he holds the records of being the youngest artist ever to achieve a number one record, the youngest artist ever to achieve two number one records, then three number one records, then four number one records. Like Troye Sivan, Charlie Puth, and Justin Bieber, Mendes gained popularity through posting his songs–first covers, then originals–on YouTube. Handwritten, Mendes’s debut album was released in 2015 when the singer was sixteen years old. Filled with acoustic guitar ballads, like the UK number 1 hit, “Stitches,” audiences found that the Canadian self-taught guitar-playing singer’s music was  refreshing voice in pop music.  “Imagination” was released on Handwritten (Deluxe Edition) and is a straight-forward pop song about teenage infatuation. 

    MAYBE THIS WILL BE THE NIGHT. Erasmus said in his magnum opus The Praise of Folly, “Everybody hates a prodigy, detests an old head on young shoulders.” When Allan picked this line as a point of discussion in his senior philosophy seminar, none of the other students understood why. “Sure, we love to listen to Mozart, we like to see the Olympic athletes, but what about Justin Bieber?” There was a groan coming from across the table. “Think about it, why do people hate him so much? Sure, you want to change the station every time it comes on in the car, but there are bad songs and we get over it. What if it’s because we’re all just a little jealous. We think why not me?” Maybe the point was weak. Allan didn’t really envy Justin Bieber’s success at the time. However, five years after that contentious college point, he thought about Shawn Mendes, the tall and handsome sixteen year old boy who became YouTube famous, capturing the hearts of his teenage girl viewers. Baby-faced, dimpled chin, guitarist who wasn’t particularly skilled–Mendes’s success didn’t sting Allan as much as the Shawn Mendeses that he went to high school with, that his music teacher had put every effort into to make him a star. Why Shawn Mendes, and not Allan Joshua Miller? Why Kaleb Mason and not Allan? The hours he had invested into cultivating the relationship with his music teacher. When Mrs. Porter got sick, she needed help around the yard. It started out as a barter system: music lessons for time spent on various tasks, mowing, hedge clipping, pool maintenance. At first Mrs. Porter was made good on her word. However, as her health started deteriorating, lessons got shorter, yet the list of chores grew longer. But as he worked, Allan told himself that it was only a matter of time that Mrs. Porter would let him pick up the Wildkat, exploring the neck of the hollow-bodied beauty. He would hear the latest news about Kaleb, in Nashville, recording his debut record. Maybe, with his faithfulness to his music teacher, she could unlock the gates of Nashville to him, too.
    YOU WALK BY MY HOUSE; I WANNA CALL OUT YOUR NAME. In Allan’s  junior year, Mrs. Porter’s condition had not improved. Her youngest son, Shawn, reluctantly took the now frail-looking woman to all of the university hospitals in the Southeast. Each doctor said something different. Mrs. Porter claimed that the disease was hiding when the doctors looked for it. When the fall began, there was less yard work and Mrs. Porter started giving lessons as she could; however, she often had to cancel with Allan. However, in late September, she offered Allan a job: he could teach her beginner guitar students. Allan had been teaching a few students to pick up extra money at his home, but if he accepted Mrs. Porter’s offer, she would pay him $50 a month per student that he taught. “It sure beats flippin’ burgers,” she said with the remnant of her Philly accent. “But if you do this, I want you to start studying piano because that’s where the real money is.” So, rather than putting efforts into fitting in at Mern Christian High School, his goal from the last year, he shifted to hours of practice–mostly piano. His desire to climb the neck, to shred like Jimmy Page or Joseph Milligan, would have to wait. “For every 20 guitar students you get, maybe one will stick around as long as you have, Allan,” Mrs. Porter said a few times both before and after he started taking piano students.  Little by little, Allan had become invaluable to the old woman. Before going home late at night, he would come up stairs from the basement studio where he had his music lessons and say good night to Mrs. Porter who usually had dozed off in her chaise after her last lesson for the day. “I’m so proud of all that you’ve accomplished. I’m so blessed to have my Kaleb in Nashville and Allan teaching my students.”

     

  • "Touch" by Troye Sivan, Thursday, September 9, 2021

    TRXYE was Troye Sivan‘s major label debut EP in 2014. The Australian singer had started his career in 2007 by posting videos of his songs on YouTube. Meanwhile, while his musical career was taking off, he started acting, playing roles in musicals, plays, and even landing the role of young Wolverine in X-Men Origins: Wolverine in 2009. TRXYE sees the teen singer grow up. The EP charted at #5 on the Billboard Top 200, though his follow up, Wild, and debut studio album, Blue Neighborhoods, would greatly overshadow the collection of songs on TRXYE. Perhaps less mature than Blue Neighborhoods and Bloom, songs like “Happy Little Pill,” “Fun,” “The Fault in Our Stars (MMXIV), and “Touch” remind listeners what is fun about electronic dream pop. Even if listeners missed this era of Troye Sivan, it’s certainly worth a trip back to younger, less explicit, that’s sexy without being explicitly so. 

    GLOW IS LOW AND IT’S DIMMING. The jazz playing on the retro-looking CD player was a little loud for quiet conversation, which made the conversation a bit louder than a comfortable level. And Josh had recently become comfortable whispering about the intimate details of his life–not shouting them in the public forum. “So you haven’t been to the hill, you don’t drink, and you’ve only just started meeting men,” Nam put down his iced Americano beginning his rant. “This is what religion does. It makes you scared to be your natural self. Why do people let their needs and urges be dictated by rules set up by man?” “I don’t think that religion is the issue,” Josh said, partially obscuring his face with his mug of dark-brew. “I don’t believe that the rules are set up arbitrarily. I think they serve a purpose, but it takes people knowing themselves to know when they have to break the rules.” Nam sat up straight. “You know, your religion has killed so many of people like us, either directly or indirectly by causing people to kill themselves when they realized that they can’t follow the man-made rules.” The song changed, and the conversation got quieter in the coffee shop. Nam leaned toward Josh. Look, you’re in your late 20s and you’ve been too scared to be yourself. I wasn’t raised with religion, but my culture also had me in my mid-20s, sleeping with women in confusion, hating my confusing feelings,” Nam said quieter as the slower jazz track played. “I don’t know what to say about that,” Josh looked into Nam’s eyes, his round frames and thick lenses had masked a vulnerability that now Nam was finally allowing Josh to see. Josh decided to let his guard down a little bit, too.

    IN TOTAL DARKNESS I REACH OUT AND TOUCH. “Meals are an invented construct,” Nam sat up straight again and flicked his straw in his melting ice. “What do you mean?” “Think about it, if you’re hungry, you should just eat. It doesn’t matter what time it is. It doesn’t matter if it’s lunch, dinner, a snack–your body tells you it’s time to eat.” “But we can’t do that. We don’t have lunch breaks when we’re really hungry.” “Exactly!” moving his hands in emphasis, almost spilling his drink. “Some people would just eat all the time, and get fat.” “Aren’t there already fat people? I’m just saying, why do we allow society’s rules to dictate what’s right and what’s wrong? They want to say that people can’t drink or eat certain things. They say that two men can’t share a coffee and conversation. They say that you’ve gotta eat a balanced meal with your vegetables. Well, sometimes you’re just hungry after working all day and you just want the instant ramen. Sometimes that’s all you have time for? Who is God to judge?” Josh thought it over for a few minutes. He thought about the Bible study he had had that afternoon with Lucile. To her the Bible verse was about sin that other people commit and how the righteous must pray for the restoration of the fallen. Josh determined that he being part of the righteous was too tall an order, so when he got home, he decided to see whatever happened with the first message in his inbox on AdamsCloset. “What would we do if I came to Seoul tonight?” “Cuddle,” Nam responded. His body pic of a toned chest and a flourishing tattoo peaking above his waistband sealed the deal that evening. A few hours later, in the cafe, covered with layers of an understated fashion unflattering to the man underneath, Nam warmed again to Josh. “So, do you want to get out of here.” He looked again at Josh, reaching out touch his hand. “So, Josh, are you hungry?” Josh looked down into his coffee. “I–uh–don’t know. We–uh–just ate.” Josh thought about the train schedule. It was late. If not with Nam, where would he sleep that night? If he didn’t take this opportunity, would he not spend the whole night looking to replicate this experience? Would he not spend the night in jjimjilbang on AdamsCloset tortured in a hunger he was too afraid to satisfy. Meeting Nam’s eye, he finally said, “I’m starving.”

  • “Here Is Gone” by The Goo Goo Dolls, Wednesday, September 8, 2021

     

    Speaking of massive hits of the late’90s, The Goo Goo Dolls’ 1998 album Dizzy Up the Girl also encapsulates that acoustic alt-rock sound that listeners can instantly identify the era. The follow up to their massive 4x platinum record released four years later, Gutterflower charted higher than their previous records, but ultimately sold much less than Dizzy. The band continues to release music from time to time, but their heyday remains in 1998. Gutterflower is a fine record and “Here Is Gone” is a fine song. But the acoustic rock band from Buffalo, NY had been there and done that, and the 2002 music scene was moving past pop rock aimed at adult contemporary radio.


    I WAS NOT THE ANSWER SO FORGET IT WAS EVER ME. Johnny Rzeznik has said that the music video for “Here Is Gone,” which features some of the time film tricks, sped up footage of several scenes, cost more to produce than the entire album. The video at youth counterculture in what looks like urban decay. The youth show aggression toward symbols of cultural establishment. It’s a rather bizarre video for a an adult contemporary band to make. The song itself is about a break up, about “want[ing] to be free.” The idea that “somehow here is gone” recalls the end of a relationship when a partner is simply going through the motions, often before even realizing that he or she is unhappy. The other partner may be happy and savoring the moments, living in the here and now. However, when faced with the reality of the relationship’s demise, what the other thought was here is actually not real. The moment passed. “Here Is Gone” could apply to any passing trend. It could apply to the world we live in now, which is rapidly changing. How the standard of living you thought you can and should achieve when you were young is seemingly out of reach and perhaps the wrong goal. It could be the pulse of a political trend, one side is grasping for power in what seems to be effective, but it turns out that that ideology is actually in the minority and the people will not tolerate it in the long term. Somehow we hit the target, but the arrow stuck only for a minute before falling onto the ground. This is what became of the Goo Goo Dolls post-Dizzy Up the Girl.

    SOMEHOW HERE IS GONE. “Music videos are such a waste of time,” His mother pulled the satellite  remote from Allan’s hand change the channel from MTV2 to Leave It to Beaver on TV Land. Allan had been home from school for about an hour and his mother just returned from her afternoon classes. This encouraged Allan to learn to hide his channel surfing. The TV couldn’t turn on to MTV, VH1, TVU, or Fuse, nor could the recall button take you to one of those channels. So The Weather Channel and Discovery were safe bets. Some of his friends could watch whatever they liked. He especially liked going over to his friend Nick’s house. Nick’s mother was dating a musician and his older brother had a band, so when no one was playing, Allan got to go downstairs in Nick’s basement and play with some nice gear. He played a wooden Telecaster, a five-string Ibanez bass, a Taylor acoustic, and a loaded effects pedal. Sometimes other friends came over–Johnny Barrett keeping an inconsistent beat on the drums, Caleb Thompson on keys–but mostly it was Nick and Allan playing simple Tom Petty or ’90s rock tracks. When they weren’t playing music, there was MTV2 on upstairs or they’d play Grand Theft Auto or other games his mother wouldn’t approve of. Going to Nick’s house was entering a world without parental supervision. His mother was at work until late, his brother was usually working or drunk or stoned in his room, his mother’s boyfriend would check in once in a while. But other than that, teenage boys were left to do whatever they wanted. All was good until Nick started dating Allan’s sister Jess. 

  • “Torn” by Natalie Imbruglia, Tuesday, September 7, 2021

     

    In 1995, the band Ednaswap, a female-fronted rock band from Los Angeles, almost released their song, “Torn,” as a single. However, nobody knows Ednaswap’s version. Singer Lis Sørensen recorded the song in Danish as “Brændt” before Ednaswap recorded it in English. Ednaswap’s version draws some comparisons to female-fronted rock bands of the time like Garbage or some songs by the Cranberries. In 1996 the song was covered by American-Norwegian singer Trine Rein, whose popularity declined with the release of her second album. None of the previous versions would be remembered by the English-speaking world. “Torn” is best known for its 1997 recording by Australian soap opera actress-turned singer Natalie Imbruglia, whose version topped the US Airplay charts for 11 weeks. In the UK, the song is the most played ’90s song, and in Australia, it is the most played song on the radio since its release in 1997.

    THERE’S NOTHING WHERE HE USED TO LIE. Of all the versions of “Torn,” Natalie Imbruglia’s captures the “1997 sound” best with the acoustic guitar and tight pop production. On the heels of Alanis Morrisette and Meredith Brooks, the Imbruglia’s music video is also a relic from the past. The video shows Imbruglia singing the song and shooting a scene in which something clearly changed between the actors. They fake their affection when the camera roles, but they constantly have to reshoot because the non-verbal communication between the actors is off. Actor Jeremy Sheffield plays the boyfriend who is the “illusion” who “never changed into something real.” He can’t get into the romantic scene and looks to Imbruglia wanting feedback, but Imbruglia looks more and more dismayed and withdrawn as the video progresses. A song like “Torn” should have spun more singles for Imbruglia. Several songs charted in Australia and Europe; however, to Americans, she is known as a One Hit Wonder. I remember hearing “Torn” years later on Adult Alternative radio when I started listening to some non-Christian radio around 2002. Perhaps I came across the song scanning the radio for a Christian song, and the lyrics about the shame of misreading an adult relationship reminded me of Christian music’s use of shame for all things sex-outside of marriage, so I thought this song may have been a Christian song in disguise. After all, in 2000, ’90s Christian rocker, Australian-American singer Rebecca St. James had released the abstinence anthem “Wait for Me,” which was used at True Love Waits rallies. I’m probably not the only ’90s/2000s kid who has mistaken the message of these two songs as being the same: sex is bad. “Wait for Me” is the positive example of waiting until marriage, “Torn” is the what happens if you don’t: you feel dirty, used up, and torn.

    LYING NAKED ON THE FLOOR. Rebecca St. James was 23 when she released “Wait for Me.” The singer wouldn’t marry until 2011 at the age of 34. She remains a proponent of sexual abstinence until marriage. This easy one-size fits all solution was what Josh was taught growing up. Sex was dirty outside of marriage and would always leave you feeling terrible if you broke the sacred covenant with God. In college, he felt the urge to tattoo 1 Corinthians 6:20 on his groin, particularly when the temptation was strongest to act on his homosexual urges. If ever he should reply to one of those websites, and he were to swallow that empty feeling and fight the shivers for however long the drive would take, certainly the question would come up to interrupt the heat of the moment after shirts were tossed on the floor and pants were at the ankles. And if this man were not to ask why there was a Bible verse girding Josh’s loins, a glance down would remind him of the Baptismal contract, that his body was God’s and not for his own pleasure. But the tattoo would have made him think before getting into the car, if it wasn’t the stories circulating about gay hooks gone wrong, turning to murder or public humiliation with Republican senators. But how long can you wait? How long is biologically possible? How long until lust becomes anger? How long until anger becomes bitterness? How long until bitterness becomes rage? On January 1, 2014, Josh made a vow to lose his virginity before 2015. Moments of shame and holiness made him forget this resolution for days, weeks, even months. But by the end of the summer, he became more and more committed to the idea. So he took to the Internet.
    Ednaswap version:

    Danish singer Lis Sørensen‘s cover:

    Trine Rein version: 

    Rebecca St. James’s “Wait for Me”

    Natalie Imbruglia’s “Torn”

  • "Mirrors" by The New Frontiers, Monday, September 6, 2021

    A short lived indie-rock band from Dallas, Texas, The New Frontiers released one full-length album on The Militia Group in 2008 before calling it quits the following year. Their album Mending was produced by Matt Goldman, the Atlanta-based producer known for heavy-hitting bands, like Underoath, The Chariot, and As Cities Burn. Goldman, however, isn’t exclusively a hard rocker. Working as the drummer of the Christian Rock band Smalltown Poets, Goldman’s early production credits include Luxury, Copeland, and Casting Crowns. The New Frontiers’ mellow folk-rock album, Mending drew critical acclaim from Paste and Daytrotter. The band contributed the track “Mirrors” to the the 2008 Cornerstone Festival digital mixtape along with many other indie rock acts who performed at the festival. “Mirrors” deals with coming to terms with an inescapable realization of who one is by “mak[ing] peace with the world.”

    THIS IS THE HOUSE WERE YOU WERE BORN. The constant cycle of snow, salting, melting, and spring flooding, makes driving a new car in Chenango County pointless. But everyone drove old GM-affiliated rust buckets that broke down in the winter, stranding you in the snow. It was only a matter of time that the 1970s Chevy would die and you’d have to fork out money to buy a 1980s Buick or Oldsmobile. When you got into the car and drove the roads in Chenango County, you’d be driving for a while between farms and fields and forests until you descended the hill into town–Oxford or Norwich, right or left. Allan’s first home was off the highway before his family moved deeper into the hills, where his grandparents’ commune was located. The first home was much better than the second, at least in Allan’s memory. When his family moved to his aunt’s old trailer, he was sick every winter, which, in New York was practically six months out of the year. But reflections in his memory of the cabin–pristinely kept, glazed wood, neat and tidy interior–probably never was as pristine as his memory. His parents insisted that the dilapidated shack they saw from the road was, in fact, just as his parents remembered it. The colors much paler, the roof much less stable, the porch much more rotten. “I never let the lawn get this bad, though,” his father assured him. “I wonder who Uncle Nathan has living there now.” “Do you think we can ask him to go inside?” Allan reverted to his boyhood, pleading with his parents like when he asked them to stop at the ice cream shop in town. “No,” Jared said taking his old cap off and scratching his head. “I don’t think that will be possible. Uncle Nathan hasn’t gotten along with our family for years. Him and your grandfather got into a big argument at the family reunion last year. But there’s always an argument. That’s why we had to move away in the first place.”

    WE ARE ALL MIRRORS IN DISGUISE. Allan rewrote passages of Leaving Norwich after his Creative Writing class before realizing that the novel about a young man, Vincent, who feels trapped in the town that Allan would give anything to have grown up in was too incoherent. The girl that Allan thought he loved whom he modeled Daphne after was so flat he hadn’t bothered to make a backstory for her. She simply was a few grace notes to Vincent’s droning bass guitar concerto in Drop-D. No matter how much he built up the metaphors for Vincent wanting to be in love, Vincent was clearly is self-obsessed and only capable of loving himself. And as Allan became more and more aware of this fact, he wondered if this was true of him. “You should make him gay,” Allan’s roommate said one evening when they were talking about their homework. Allan looked horrified at this. “I’m not making him gay! He may not find love, but he’s certainly not gay!” This was before he added the twist about the older woman, the music producer in Cortland, who ends up seducing Vincent. Allan was writing the story, imposing a late ’90s to early ’00s purity culture to Vincent’s character, so giving him a cougar-lover was quite left-field. Maybe it was just to convince himself that Vincent wasn’t gay. In subsequent drafts Allan experimented with first and third person narratives. He experimented by putting the story in the ’90s. He tried stream of consciousness. This was bad, with Vincent’s mind leading to whom Daphne was with now, if they were sleeping together, and why Daphne chose the other man, not Vincent, which got Freudian. The worst part was that he showed these drafts to some of his friends in college. Underneath the disjointed layers of the failed debut novel, Allan had to contend with the fact that his character had a murky motivation because Allan himself didn’t know that Allan wanted, hence Vincent died on a Toshiba back in in 2010 before his remains could be saved to a flash drive.

  • “Time Lapse” by Taeyeon (태연), Sunday, August 5, 2021

    Bright, happy music is what you could describe Taeyeon‘s 2015 debut EP, I. The label also fits for her debut studio album, 2017’s My Voice. However, amid the happy, soaring melodies, there is a twinge of wistful nostalgia in the lyrics. Songs like the lead single “Fine” and the standout track “Time Lapse,” give the Girls’ Generation singer a mature sound, quite far from the realm of the girl band’s dance-pop sounds. “Time Lapse” was composed by Nell’s lead singer, Kim Jong-wan for the soprano singer. Taeyeon also released a cover of Nell’s “Time Spent Walking Through Memories,” one of the band’s biggest hits, as a bonus track on the My Voice deluxe edition. The title of Taeyeon’s debut album alludes to her relationship with her standout feature. In middle school, her principal encouraged her to pursue her talents and convinced her parents to invest in their daughter’s talents. This investment came to mean a Sunday drive from Jeonju to Seoul for Taeyeon to study vocal lessons with famed vocal coach Jeong Soon-won, better known as The One from the late ’90s boy band Space A. 

    BIRTHDAYS HAVE PASSED SEVERAL TIMES. Leaving. It’s the theme of someone who moved around when they were young. It’s the theme of those who changed schools. It’s the theme of those who never got too close. When attending a birthday party made you feel like an insider for just a moment. But Allan was no victim. The close-knit college experience with groups of friends slowly fell out of touch. In the six months of job searching before taking a job offer in Korea, he buried the remains of friendships in the bottom of his Facebook Messenger. His graduating study group had dissolved a few weeks before the English GRE, and with the exception of seeing the members in class, Allan thought that the Mixtape debacle may have killed the spirit. In Korea from time to time he’d receive a message from a friend. James asked if he was planning on staying there forever. Allan replied with a short message, vaguely replying that he was enjoying his time. In Korea, he too had stopped communicating with his family, only replying when his mom asked something on the family Facebook chat. But when Allan decided to become another friend person, in October 2014, communication became even less frequent.

    TEARS WELL UP WHEN I CLOSE MY EYES. “It’s so clear that they like each other,” Lily said, stirring milk into her Earl Grey. The last of the adult students were trickling out of the classes to get to work or class. “He likes her, and she likes him,” Marley said, perched on his desk in front of his Scottish flag, “and the only thing coming between them”—taking a sip from his tumbler— “is culture.” “That’s so sad,” Allan said, from the doorway. “Those two are clearly meant to be together.” Throughout the year, a group of students took classes together, coming up through the levels of the curriculum. Sometimes students switched between morning and evening classes, but Michelle and Adam always took classes together. Each teacher had had the pair for at least a two-month term. They sat together and talked after every class. Once Adam came to church for conversation club, a disguised Sabbath School class, and said he was meeting Michelle later that day for coffee. When Allan raised an eyebrow, Adam quickly said that some other classmates were supposed to join. “Well, good for Adam”—Marley said shaking the remnants of his drink before a final swig—“I always found his interests so boring. Always taking about fishing. If it takes an older woman to make him interesting, I guess we all have our types.” “But, if you think of it, it’s not that big of a difference,” Lily chirped in. “Adam is in his late 30s, getting past the Korean marrying age these days. Michelle is in her late 40s, still pretty—looks better than him with that messy hair and the frumpy t-shirts.” “And Michelle,” Allan added, “a never-married school teacher whose latest assignment is in Chungju, finds a younger man she finds charming, why don’t they go for it?” “It’s because of parents,” Kelly said later that afternoon when Allan met up with the Korean teachers at a cafe. “It’s because of friends. It’s because everything in Korean culture matters. The car you drive. The job you have. The woman and the man you date. The age difference matters,” Kelly slammed her sweet potato latte on the table. The other teachers looked at her. Mi-Young muttered something in Korean. Kelly regained her composure and looked Allan in the eyes. “But it shouldn’t matter. Happiness should be the only thing that matters.”

  • “Sugar, We’re Going Down" by Fall Out Boy, Saturday, August 4, 2021

    Fall Out Boy, in some ways, is the anti-anberlin, at least from their beginnings. Anberlin signed with Tooth & Nail Records, and Fall Out Boy was in contract talks with the Militia Group, a label started by a former Tooth & Nail employee, before signing with Fueled by Ramen. Both bands recorded their label debuts in 2003, both of which received little attention. But the distinction comes with their sophomore records, both released in 2005. Never Take Friendship Personal is loved by anberlin fans and spawn the #38 Alternative Airplay single “Paperthin Hymn.” From Under the Corktree in contrast contained two singles that were played on pop radio, “Sugar, We’re Going Down” and “Dance, Dance.” In 2005, the former hardcore punk rock group stumbled on a sound that was going to be huge until the end of the decade. “Sugar, We’re Going Down” is an example of Emo going mainstream, a sound of the times that was loved for its raw emotion and ridiculed for its styles.

    IS THIS MORE THAN YOU BARGAINED FOR? The record label tried to scrap the chorus of “Sugar, We’re Going Down,” claiming, according to lyricist/bassist Pete Wentz, “the chorus was too wordy and the guitars were too heavy and that the radio wasn’t going to play it.” But this was the golden opportunity for Emo. Not only did it make it to the radio, it was a Top 10 Billboard hit, peaking at number 8. The song was inescapable in 2005, and Fall Out Boy became a new kind of “boy band” type of aggressive teenage pop along with Panic at the Disco and My Chemical Romance. Of course, it didn’t hurt that Green Day had released their emo-twinged American Idiot the year before, but it seemed that to be rock in the second half of the 2000’s was to be emo. Fall Out Boy and any rock band that stuck around or took a break and came back to the pop charts would have to move on from the Emo stereotype. In fact, Fall Out Boy’s follow up to Corktree, Infinity on High, would stretch the band musically, stretching the genre of Emo and helping the group (possibly?) escape the connotation of the what they were still creating–the emo kid. Emo was a label that everybody was in high school. Yet, nobody wanted to admit to being emo. In Katy Perry’s first (mostly forgotten) single, “UR So Gay,” the later massively successful “I Kissed a Girl” singer encapsulates what is emo–a high school junior, who quotes profound literature he read the Spark Notes to the other night, who is dealing with a lot right now, self-absorbed. This example is timeless, but to put a 2004-2009 tag on Emo, dress the boy up in girl-jeans or tight boy jeans, once the stores started carrying them, add make-up and a “Karen” haircut with some die, and a scarf, piercings, and jewelry for accessory. This essentially was what Emo and high school school was all about.
    ISN’T IT JUST MESSED UP HOW I’M DYING TO BE HIM. “Junior year of high school for me, it was nothing but Mozart’s Requiem and From Under the Cork Tree in my car,” Anna said in the living room when the group was taking a break from studying for the English GRE senior year of college. “No kidding. For me it was Requiem and Never Take Friendship Personal,” Allan said. The futility of studying for what was known as the most pretentious cocktail party eroded into to pizza outings and trips to Barnes and Nobel, Books-a-Million across the street and the used-book warehouse on the way back to school. Allan would buy so many books he could never read before going to Korea. The small graduating senior classmates always got together on the pretense of study–the six of them, Allan the only male. The other male classmate wasn’t close to the group, a tortured poet who expressed his disdain for the organized religion, hence not fitting into Adventist-six. Tonight, the conversation turned into a writers’ discussion. After making note cards of major characters in Shakespeare and half-heartedly drilling each other, Katie got out a piece that she had been working on, a short story about World War II through the eyes of Hitler’s cat, Blondi. Anna shared her beat-poetry that seemed inspired by Flight of the Concords and Ben Folds. When they read Allan’s first chapter of his novel Leaving Norwich, a small-town romance about a young man who fails to marry his high school sweetheart after she goes off to college and falls in love with a man who is everything the protagonist, Vincent, has failed to become, Christina sighed heavily. “Wow, Allan. You’re certainly keeping a lot inside,” she said, putting down the pages on the coffee table in two of the girls’ shared apartment. “There are levels messed up with this character’s perspective. I just hope that you can find a way to let some of this go.”

     

  • "Cadence" by anberlin, Friday, September 3, 2021

    “Cadence” was the third single from Anberlin. Vocalist Stephen Christian talks about the band overhearing him playing the song on an acoustic guitar one day. Thinking the song was too mellow for Anberlin, he thought the song would be better suited for his solo project, Anchor & Braille, but the band loved the song and placed it as the penultimate track on their debut record, Blueprints for the Black Market. The song is inspired by Christian’s time in college when he roomed with his brother, Paul. The brothers talked about life, philosophy, relationships, and God, and the song was a culmination of those late night conversations. The song features some of the best drumming on the record. Before the band’s livestream of the album Nathan Young, who was fifteen at the time of recording Blueprints, tells a story about how producer Aaron Sprinkle‘s brother Jesse, drummer of Poor Old Lu and later Demon Hunter, was brought in to record drums on the record because Aaron was skeptical of Young’s ability. However, Nathan Young proved himself competent, and his drumming can be heard throughout the entire album. The drums on “Cadence” showed the beginnings of a great drummer. 


    THE CLOSER I COME TO YOU, THE CLOSE I AM TO FINDING GOD. Blueprints for the Black Market was one of the few albums Allan could play on family road trips, when his mother relinquished the fight over the dial or they were in an area where only Country and back-woods preaching came in clearly. The radio stations in the car played mostly Hall & Oates, Elton John, or Chicago, dull soft rock. But sometimes he could slide in the Blueprints CD, which was a little heavier than the soft rockers, but still toned down enough, more like the classic rock stations Allan’s dad listened to that his mother might permit for a song or two. Blueprints started out as a classic rock-sounding album, but the latter tracks, like “Cadence,” sound like they could have been hits in 1997 alongside the likes of Third Eye Blind and Tonic. When he didn’t have control over the 1996 Corolla’s stereo, he could at least listen to his album, recorded onto a cassette tape, on his Walkman. In early September of 2003, Allan’s family took a trip to Orlando. His great grandfather turned 100, and there was a celebration of the weekend, meaning missing school on Friday and Monday for traveling. Ten hours in the backseat with a teenager on each side and a preteen riding on the center seat, elbows jabbed into the ribs and territory wars aside, the real fight was up front over the speed or some Hemingwayian marital fight about intelligence, lack of support, or the other’s driving. The blaring music of “Maneater” on the tenth staticy radio station reached even into the quieter moments of the cassette-taped albums. Anberlin, turned all the way up was a good choice for keeping the Don’t Go Breaking My Heart’s throbbing bass-line out of the ears.

    STIFLED, PAUL SAID THAT YOU STIFLED HIM AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN. The actual event, the hundredth birthday, was held at Allan’s great-grandfather’s church, Sunday afternoon. The church in Orlando–a megachurch by Adventist standards–had posted the event in the bulletin the Sabbath before. Special music that Sabbath was a string quartet of Allan’s grandfather and great-aunt on viola and cello, his first cousin once removed played the first violin and his mother played the second violin. They played a medley of hymns and dedicated the performance to the long life of Allan’s great grandfather. The following day, at the party, Allan played classical guitar–“Just a Closer Walk with Thee” and the family and friends all contributed to the musical program. Then came a slideshow of the photos and old recordings of the music that had been in that house–of Allan’s deceased great-grandmother’s screeching voice, of Allan’s great aunts playing piano and violin, of his grandfather playing with the orchestra. The short film put the dates and history into perspective. Born in 1903 in Nora, Sweden to parents who soon emigrated to America. He was nine years old when the Titanic sunk, eleven when World War I began, he came of age in the Roaring 20s, but he would have nothing to do with the worldliness of Jazz music, but he did have his eyes on another Swedish immigrant whom he married at the beginning of the Depression. He entered seminary not long after getting married, and they had their first daughter two years later. After seminary, he received a call to a village near Mumbai, where Allan’s grandfather was born. Then a bit of a pinball game of pastorships across the U.S., an unexpected third child, fifteen years after Allan’s grandfather. In the sixties, Pastor Johannes finally began his long retirement in Maryland, the near the General Conference, before moving closer to his son, who had built a house in Winter Haven, Florida, as his marriage was eroding. All the facts about the long life, along with Allan’s experience of the old drooling man who his grandfather had become, swum in his head on the long drive home to North Carolina. The late afternoon sun in South Carolina, the smell of the vanilla car-freshener, the chorus “The closer I come to you, the closer I am to finding God” the living memorial for his near-to-death great-grandfather made him wonder what legacy Allan would have. How would the Lord use him? 

  • “Deeper” by delirious?, Thursday, September 2, 2021

    Formed in 1992 as the house band for a series UK youth outreach events called The Cutting Edge, delirious? became a full time band i after singer Martin Smith was hospitalized for several weeks after a car accident in 1995. Smith read Bill Flanagan’s book U2: At the End of the World, inspiring him to make the band a full-time career. The band released their second full-length studio album, King of Fools, and their first under the moniker Delirious. The song “Deeper” hit the UK pop charts, unexpectedly, peaking at number 20. The band would sign to Sparrow Records for their U.S. distribution, spanning several CCM and Christian Rock hits and helping to create the next generation of worship music. Delirious’s music is usually worship, but at their core, they are a jam band, particularly evidenced on their follow up two follow up records to King of Fools, Mezzamorphis and Glo. The band writes anthems that sound like U2, but include electronic experimentation in the vein of Radiohead, guitar solos from the classic rock era of long songs, all to the lyrics of lines lifted from Eugene Peterson’s Message paraphrased Bible. 


    THE WONDER OF IT ALL IS THAT I’M LIVING JUST TO FALL MORE IN LOVE WITH YOU. For me, delirious? is a bit of an embarrassing t-shirt I found in a closet back from middle school. This week’s episode of Good Christian Fun drudged up old memories when I thought their music was the coolest. I bought their Mezzamorphis album in 1999 maybe because it also contained a version of “Deeper.” The crazy electronic, noise pop to the dreary sounds at the end of the album was all I listened to on a rainy day, while I was reading a Hardy Boys novel. The following year, delirious? released their album Glo, which took the band in a more guitar-driven direction. About that time, I also started getting into Pink Floyd, but as a good Christian young man, I was worried about the psychedelic rockers influencing me to do drugs, and sometimes they cursed. Delirious, though, rather than singing about drugs and sex, sang about falling deeper in love with God. And they had some killer guitar solos, so while I enjoyed listening to Dark Side of the Moon and The Wall, my spiritual diet consisted of delirious as the main course, and sometimes some Pink Floyd for dessert. Embarrassing, right? I was disappointed with the band’s follow up to Glo, Touch, the American reworking of the band’s U.K. failed mainstream radio crossover attempt Audio Lessonover. Lyrically, Smith attempted to write love songs, which just came across as simple and uninspired. Musically, the band took all of the drollness of Mezzamorphis, but failed to add enough experimentation to make listeners come back to the record. 
    MAYBE I COULD RUN, MAYBE I COULD FLY TO YOU. I bought King of Fools later when I saw it in the discount bin at the local Family Christian store. I had high expectations for this album and I knew several of the songs from Delirious’s double live record, Access:d. King of Fools was a fine album to listen to, but after my experience with Touch, my musical tastes were migrating away from CCM worship music. Touch had been released in 2002 for American listeners. King of Fools was an album of the time of Step Up to the Microphone by the Newsboys and Supernatural, the final dc talk album and sounded fine like these Christian Rock classics. But five years later, music was moving on. P.O.D. was blowing up on Rock radio. Earthsuit and the Benjamin Gate offered a sonically-driven harder rock sound, and delirious? decided to go back into writing less-interesting Praise and Worship stadium anthems. Flicker and Gotee Records put out tighter rock music. Eventually Tooth & Nail would enter their golden age, moving from low-cost production punk bands to Alternative music played on Read the lyrics on Genius. and Fuse. Delirious was just a relic of my CCM past, just missing the “best years of your life” era of music, which people say is the music that you listen to when you are 15 years old. But the memories of listening to delirious? in my bedroom, about longing for a deeper relationship with God, my mind filling in the blanks with what that means based on my understanding of sermons, Sabbath School lessons, and evangelical culture at that time, is best summed up by a feeling of being utterly alone with what some would call an imaginary father figure. It was a time when I introspected and ruled the depression of loneliness as holy. After all, if others are living the “worldly life,” and I’m left out of their eventual downfall, I will be raised up to be with the Father and Son and Holy Ghost. An embracing old T-shirt that you wore in public until you were just a little too old that’s somehow still in the bottom of your dresser.

  • "나만 그래" (Am I the Only One?) by SF9, Wednesday, September 1, 2021

    Sensational Feeling 9, better known by the acronym SF9, debuted in 2016. Before their debut, the group performed in Japan with 11 members, but ultimately only 9 members would make the final cut when they released their Feeling Sensation single. The group enjoyed modest success in Korea and toured Japan, Taiwan, and the U.S. In January 2020, they released their first full-length studio album, titled First Collection. This record has been the band’s most successful release, shattering their previous record sales and chart placements. The group also garnered award nominations. “Am I the Only One,” is the second track on First Collection. The song wasn’t a single, but its accessible smooth harmonies, minor key, and edgy rap parts, give the song an early ’00s feel, making the song hard to place with its 2020 release. Whether released in 2002 or 2020, the theme of pining over a lost love will be relevant forever.


    THE DAY IS QUITE LONG. EVEN WHEN I CLOSE MY EYES, IT’S ALWAYS THE SAME DAY. The Chunju institute consisted of two of the five floors in a humble office building located in an older section of town. On Monday to Friday, Allan took the elevator to the fourth floor, in a Korean building marked with the roman letter “F,” as the number four in sino-Korean was bad luck. On Sabbath, though, the institute opened the third floor. The sound of piano and elderly voices screeching, but maintaining the tune of the translated Adventist Hymnal reached the exterior with the cold marble walls. All would gather in the small sanctuary, seated on lime-green folding chairs. A lot had changed since Allan first came to the institute over a year ago. Foreign Adventist members who not only worked at the institute, but also other private academies, in public schools, and even U.S. service members found a place to gather at the institute. Everything used to be translated, but little by little, the missionaries left–their contracts not renewed–and the English programs started to unravel. With fewer and fewer programs, the non-institute teachers started disappearing, as did the Koreans who spoke English. First it was Sunny. She got married to a man in Oregon kind of suddenly. Mi-young also got married after a short engagement to a farmer in Gyeonggi Provence. Jinny stopped working at the institute. No matter what rumors Pastor Shin spread to the congregation about her, it was really about pay, and everyone knew that she deserved more than what the institute paid. But whether it was a year and a half before or now, the constant that Allan looked forward to at church was seeing his tall friend. She stood out from the crowd, towering above grey and died jet black hair. Always wearing a colorful dress somewhat more fashionable than the remaining church ladies stuck in their Murphy Brown attire.  Always with a girlish giggle that echoed on the cold marble floors that was just a bit inappropriate for the most solemn and holy occasion. 

    I PRAY THESE FEELINGS OF LONGING TURN INTO HATE. Whenever Kelly greeted Allan, it was as if she hadn’t seen him for a long time. And as she worked at the institute off and on, sometimes the two hadn’t seen each other during the week. They often talked in the foyer, catching up, gossiping about the state of the institute or church members or Pastor Shim. Sometimes their chattering would go into the church service, but the two had been scolded for this happening too many times, so they often made their way to the back of the sanctuary. When Allan first arrived in Chunju, Kelly was one of the interpreters, taking turns every week, standing beside the pastor. Kelly was one of the best interpreters, but others were sometimes painful to listen too, particularly if the sermon was dry. Now with only one foreigner attending, Pastor Shim decided that one of the remaining interpreters–usually Kelly–would sit with Allan in the back, explaining the sermon. With anyone else but Kelly, this was awkward. Allan had never been forced to be this engaged with a sermon in his entire life. He looked out at the congregation. They too reminded him of the days before when he could stare blankly, thinking about his relationship with God. He could think about something other than the sermon for a bit. He saw kids playing on their phones. He saw old men sleeping. He saw women whispering. With Kelly, though, he asked her not to translate everything. “Give me the main points. I want to see if I can learn some Korean.” He would then ask her questions, and the two would eventually fall back into whatever conversation they were having back in the foyer. “She has a way of making it like you are the only two in the world,” Abram observed one Saturday night they met in Myeongdong for dinner and shopping. “One day, though, if you don’t make a move, she’s gonna disappear. She’ll pretend like it never even happened.”