Mixtapemotions

  • “Take Cover” by Acceptance, Wednesday, August 21, 2024 + Phantoms track by track (repost)

    “Take Cover” is the opening track to Acceptance‘s debut and almost final album, Phantoms. It starts with a piano loop and adds momentum with the drums. Jason Vena‘s smooth vocals hit a high register which puts the band on good emo footing for the time, as a singer who could whine a few lines was essential for a band that makes it. Listening to Phantoms again today–as I’ve talked about this album at least three times before–I thought about one of the fatal flaws of the record: the track order. Even though, I think that this album is a perfect artifact of my last two years in high school, I can kind of see why this band wasn’t huge, and it has to do with the track listing of this album.

    SHE MAKES THE CITY SEEM LIKE HOME. Today, I’m going to do a track-by-track analysis of this album, and I’ll probably add to this analysis as I choose more songs to be song of the day. I may not have a lot to say about the tracks individually as I’ve already talked about my experience with the album and the band’s history, but today it occurred to me that in 2005, you don’t start a new rock band’s album off with a slow song. Save that for an established rock band. Sure, this was the time of OneRepublic and The Fray, but the record company did nothing to earn rock credibility before trying to break Acceptance into the rock market. And Phantoms, at its core, was a rock record. But the album doesn’t even start to rock until track 3, “In Too Far,” and the album again puts on the brakes with track 5 “Different.” I love “Take Cover” and think it’s a unique way to start an album, but when the band was aiming for an audience, confusing the fans with a different sound didn’t work in their favor. I guess that’s how generic always wins out in the end. Below is a link to listen to the album on Spotify and a brief discussion of each track and links to the song if I’ve blogged about that track.

    Listen to Phantoms on Spotify.

    Track 1 “Take Cover.” The song of the day. Read the lyrics on Genius. Also, check out the cover by A Day to Remember below. In recent years, this song and “So Contagious” have received a boost in streams when Demi Lovato included it on their Emo Nite Takeover Playlist on Spotify.

    Track 2 “So Contagious.” Is an even slower second track. The song wends its way from a slow pop ballad to a slightly more energetic chorus, which prepares us for track 3, a rock song.  Aaron Sprinkle also recorded this song for his solo record Lackluster.

    Track 3 “In Too Far” picks the record up to its rock status. Listeners can start to hear what Jason Vena’s voice can do with rock. The vocals are much cleaner than most groups, and Vena is said to be a perfectionist when it comes to vocal takes, according to the band’s Labeled episode.

    Track 4. “The Letter” takes the rock down a notch and introduces the northwestern-sounding melancholy guitar tones that the band has used throughout their career and guitarist Christian McAlhaney would also bring to Anberlin.

    Track 5 “Different.” There’s a lot to say about their failed single, but I found myself skipping the track more times than not after listening to the album several times. It’s well-written and sentimental, but it lacks something to make me keep coming back to it. This is probably another reason why the band didn’t make it.


    Track 6 “Ad Astra Per Aspera” is the instrumental track that sets up the rock portion of the album. The moody track takes its name from Latin, meaning “To the stars through difficulty.”

    Track 7 “This Conversation Is Over” should have been the rock radio single that went before “Different.” In another reality, this song was played on college radio stations, and that reality was The Sims 2: University. 


    Track 8 “Over You” is a bit of a letdown coming off “Conversation.” The song has grown on me over the years, though.

    Track 9 “Breathless” isn’t one of the stand-out tracks, but a roommate in college said it was the only good track on the record, so there’s that. I thought the chorus and the bridge sounded like an ’80s song.

    Track 10 “In the Cold” is one of my favorite tracks on the album. The guitars build an atmosphere of coldness and Vena’s voice adds just enough warmth to make it cosy. I’m weird, I don’t see music in terms of color but in terms of warmth.

    Track 11 “Permanent” was a Radio U single when the band released an EP, Black Lines for Battlefields,  on the Militia Group, which was actually a marketing tactic to build indie cred behind the band. The song was featured in the game ATV Offroad Fury 3, and there’s a terrible music video for the song floating around on YouTube.

    Track 12 “Glory/Us” closes the album on a ballad. It starts out a little sad, but by the final chorus, the listener feels empowered with the line “Glory is waiting.” Sadly that would be the end of the band minus the promotional AOL Sessions EP until the band started teasing new music in the mid ’10s.

    Studio version:

    Sessions at AOL acoustic version:

    Sessions at AOL version 

     

  • “This Is Why” by Paramore, Tuesday, August 20, 2024 (repost)

    In 2018, Taylor Swift did the unthinkable. Country music stars had been expected to be either right-leaning or a-political. Although Swift wasn’t a country music star in 2018, she was still associated with the genre. But as a resident of Tennessee, Swift came out publicly in support of two Democratic candidates in a midterm race. While Swift hasn’t been active with political endorsements for the upcoming November election as of today–only A.I. generated images from the Trump camp–, it took a Trump presidency and the callousness towards women’s and minority issues to make Miss Americana speak up. 

    SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST. On the opening night of Taylor Swift’s Era’s tour in Scottsdale, Arizona, another band of somewhat reluctant activists opened the show, Paramore. Most of the opening acts on the Eras tour include indie rockers or singer-songwriters, mostly female, feminist, and LGBTQ+ or allies. As my readers already know, Paramore is a band fronted by Hayley Williams and consisting of a consistent and revolving door of male band members. Paramore’s presence on the Eras tour coincides with their own headlining tour supporting their latest record This Is Why, which the band released in February. When Paramore dropped the self-titled lead single for the record and announced the album last year, fans were surprised given that the conflicts between the band members and former band members making a return seemed unlikely. Some fans thought of the final song on After Laughter, “Tell Me How” as a swan song for the band. This was especially apparent when the band announced a hiatus after touring After Laughter in 2018 with Williams releasing a solo record in 2020, Petals for Armor, and drummer Zac Farro releasing music with his side project halfnoise.  

    MAYBE YOU SHOULD JUST KEEP IT TO YOURSELF. Little by little, Hayley Williams’ tenure with Paramore and as an artist, helped the singer to speak out about issues she cared about. While Paramore was never officially a Christian band, the circles the band started out with and band members, including Williams’ particularly in the early days of the band, own profession for Christianity has caused the band to fall under scrutiny that the band’s completely secular contemporaries never had to deal with. The rifts in Paramore’s history have to do with religion, particularly a line on the band’s third record Brand New Eyes, “The truth never set me free” on the track “Ignorance,” and Williams’ support for the LGBTQ+ community. Paramore went from a band that showed up for every Bible study on The Vans Warped Tour to the band that “gained the whole world and lost its soul,” and Paramore was probably judged harsher because they were female-fronted. Today’s song, “This Is Why” deals with scrutiny head-on. It’s an anthem for those who were told “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” But since Paramore went on hiatus, the politics of the world have only gotten worse and everyone has to stand up for what they believe in before more rights are taken away. It’s not comfortable to leave the house, especially when you’ve been there quarantining since early 2020. But it’s time to get out there and fight for what’s right.  

     Music video:

  • “Hotline Bling” (Drake Cover) by Sufjan Stevens ft. Gallant, Monday, August 19, 2024

     Before his record-setting 333 (and counting) Billboard Hot 100 entries and his record-tying number 13 #1 hits–tied with Michael Jackson–, Drake released his 2016 album Views. First, he scored a number 2 hit in 2015 with “Hotline Bling” before the album was released, and then he reached the top position on the chart with the single “One Dance.” Drake released his first mixtape in 2006, but his 2009 single “Best I Ever Had” from his third mixtape was the breakout event for the Canadian rapper. Perceptions about Drake may have changed over the years, particularly earlier this year when he and Kendrick Lamar were involved in a nasty highly-publicized feud. “Hotline Bling” harkens back to a time when the perception of the Canadian rapper was mostly positive, even if the lyrics to the song have been criticized as sexist.


    EVER SINCE I LEFT THE CITY… The summer vacation sounds of “Hotline Bling” partly come from the song’s sample of Timmy Thomas’s “Why Can’t We Live Together,” which features a Caribbean rhythm that punctuates “Hotline Bling.” Many music critics have called Drake an Emo rapper, and the sadness in the lyrics of “Hotline Bling,” the rapper sings tells a self-pitying story about a girl who no longer calls him when he comes home. It’s a horny lament and the instrumentation only brings the imagery of a lonely fuckboy with a couple of days in his hometown and no one to call on an uncharacteristically tropical night in a Canadian summer. The speaker of the song complains to the subject, who seems to be living a good life after being the speaker’s friend with benefits. She has outgrown the relationship, but the speaker feels that she owes him loyalty. The speaker is honest, but honesty doesn’t excuse douchebaggery. What’s worse is that the song’s lyrics sound strikingly similar to the manipulation a gaslighter or even a domestic abuser uses to keep his partner reliant on him.

    WONDER IF YOU’RE BENDING OVER BACKWARDS FOR SOMEONE ELSE. Serious issues with Drake’s “Hotline Bling” aside, the song is still culturally significant. The song has been covered by many pop artists, including fellow Canadian, Justin Bieber, Billie Eilish, Sam Smith and Disclosure, and today’s version Sufjan Stevens and Gallant, among others. Today’s version isn’t the best; however, it is an impactful version given the musical context it comes from. In 2015, Sufjan Stevens released his acclaimed, heartbreaking album, Carrie & Lowell. Stevens toured the album, performing much of it in concert. Opening for Stevens was R&B singer-songwriter Christopher Joseph Gallant III, known solely by his surname. Sufjan’s concerts were recorded

    and later released in 2017. The audience and Stevens endure some 80 minutes of intense material. Following the concert’s closer, the extended version of “Blue Buckets of Gold,” Stevens played an encore, a light-hearted version of Drake’s “Hotline Bling.” The moment is meant to be savored ironically. It’s hard to imagine Sufjan Stevens’ fans looking to Drake for poetic notes on how to address unfaithful lovers. Pop music is the reward for making it through the emotional torment of Carrie & Lowell. The song comes from out of nowhere, just like a humorous moment strikes after losing a loved one. It takes some time, and it feels inappropriate at first, but in the end, it’s a sign that healing is taking place. Grief becomes swallowed up little by little as other emotions start to return. No, Sufjan Stevens isn’t going to be releasing a cover album of ironic pop songs anytime soon. At least I don’t think he is. Nothing is really outside of the scope at this point. But just as the audience needs relief from Carrie & Lowell Live, Steven needs to believe that life moves on.



  • “Boyhood” by The Japanese House, Sunday, August 18, 2024 (repost)

    Last month, The Japanese House released their long-anticipated follow-up album to 2019’s Good at Falling. The solo project of Amber Mary Bain, The Japanese House collaborated with a number of musicians from Bon Iver‘s Justin Vernon and The 1975‘s Maty Healy and George Daniel to MUNA and Charli XCX on their latest project, In the End, It Always Does. The English singer-songwriter Amber Bain offers a hybrid between the acoustic and highly processed, like if Bon Iver recorded and produced Joni Mitchell. It’s simple. It’s zen. It’s nice music for a rainy or slow humid summer day.

    I’M STILL LOOKING OUT FOR ME. Before releasing In the End, It Always Does, The Japanese House released the lead single, “Boyhood.” The instrumental direction of In the End, It Always Does feels less processed than The Japanese House’s earlier work. Singer Amber Bain had talked about using The Japanese House to mask the person behind the music. I’ve written about many solo artists who take on a band’s name. Some groups started as a band but eventually, all members drop out until one member is left, like in the case of Years & Years. Some artists use a band name to give the illusion of a band. Some genres respect band names more than solo acts. I think of Washed Out and Anchor & Braille as these artists. In this case, other musicians may join for a time, like the local musicians who joined Stephen Christian on his first two records with Anchor & Braille or how Ernest Greene‘s wife sometimes performs with the singer. Still, other solo acts take on a name to distance themselves from a potential “Fame Monster” they create. The Weeknd and Lady Gaga as well as Lana Del Rey feel like they were curated singers to have a life much bigger than the singer. These artists hold publicity stunts to distract from the low-key life of the artist.
    I SHOULD HAVE JUMPED WHEN YOU TOLD ME TO. When Amber Bain invented The Japanese House, the singer talked about wanting anonymity and figuring out her gender expression. I must note that I using the pronouns she and her because that seems to be the singer’s current expression of gender. I will try to update the post if I find out that I am mistaken or if the singer wants to change pronouns. Androgyny was the singer’s original artistic expression. While Bain was hiding from the spotlight, fans of The 1975 saw Maty Healy’s involvement in the project and even speculated that that it was Healy singing with processed vocals. Of course, this is false and Bain eventually revealed that she was the sole member of The Japanese House. Today’s song, “Boyhood,” also plays with gender expression. Bain told BBC1 about “Boyhood”: 

         “I was thinking a lot about how I don’t really feel like a woman or a girl, and so it’s
            strange [be]cause I grew up as a girl and I didn’t have a boyhood. I was sort of
            thinking about that and how different I might be if I’ve had some sort of boyhood
            or I’ve had some different things happen to me in my life. The song itself had a
            hundred different versions of it and I feel like I’ve had a hundred different version               of myself that could’ve existed and it’s about like accepting some of those.”
    Today, gender expression is so controversial. It feels as if conservative society is pushing for a binary uniformity, pushing people to embrace a primal archetype. And that’s not even how I grew up in what was supposed to be a more conservative time. What is the threat of people expressing the gender they feel is true to them? I think a song like “Boyhood” offers the first-person narrative that is always left out of the conservative straw-person arguments.








  • “No Idea” by MUNA, Saturday, August 17, 2024

     

    Max Martin is one of the go-to big-budget record producers when a pop star needs a breakthrough or a comeback hit. His production style shaped the pop music in the late ‘90s and early ‘00s with his use of explosive synthesizers, vocal layering and often nonsensical lyricism. Martin’s work with Ace of Base and Backstreet Boys paved the way for his first U.S. number 1, which hit came from Britney Spears’ “….Baby One More Time.” His production style has been imitated by many other producers to varying success, and because of his multiple collaborations, producers he has worked with have also imitated the Max-Martin sound. Martin’s production style has developed over the decades to incorporate rock, hip-hop, and ‘80s synth pop. 

    I THINK YOU THINK I’M LIKE A VIRGIN. Many millennials are particularly fond of the late ‘90s/ early ‘00s sound of Max Martin productions because it reminds them of their childhood and teenage years.  Indie band MUNA experimented with the Max Martin sound on their latest album. The group had explored pop sounds before, but from the huge pop chorus of the MUNA’s second track “What I Want,” listeners hear a celebration of nostalgic tones. Another song on the album, “No Idea,” was a thought experiment: what if MUNA were a ‘90s boy band about to head into the studio with Max Martin behind the boards? Lead singer Katie Gavin penned the first verse and the chorus and set the song aside until MUNA was jamming one evening with Mitski after meeting her at a festival. Mitski wrote the song’s second verse, and MUNA self-produced the track in a Max Martin style.


    I KEEP IT SO CLEAN. Similar to the musical nostalgia of “No Idea,” the song’s lyrics also deal with a kind of sexual nativity. The song is written from the perspective of a girl who has a crush on someone. The speaker has sexual fantasies about the other person, assuming that the other person has “no idea” about. The speaker implies that the subject of the song is much more sexually experienced than the speaker, but the speaker thinks that she is only seen as a nice girl with a pure mind. The song opens with the line: “I think you think I’m like a virgin /Not in a Biblical sense.” The catchy line immediately draws in listeners as they think of Madonna’s 1984 hit. Perhaps listeners think of “the Biblical sense” of virginity and the religious weight that line can carry, whether of Catholic or evangelical purity culture, also popular in the ‘90s and ‘00s. Then, back to the comparison “like a virgin / not in a Biblical sense.” Perhaps, the speaker is saying that the presumably more sexually experienced subject views the speaker as traditional, prudish, or just scared to try new things, to the point that the subject overlooks the speaker as a potential partner. The sexual inexperience and the longing in the lyrics are nostalgic of teens and early 20s. For a band that is outspoken about their queer sexuality, “No Idea” is nostalgic for the awkwardness and the naivety of figuring things out. It begs the question, would you go back and do it again? 


    Read the lyrics on Genius.

  • “Runaway” by 3 Doors Down, Friday, August 16, 2024 (repost)

     We’re firmly in the territory of “butt rock” today. According to Houston Press, the origin of the phrase comes from a radio station in the ‘90s that had a programming slogan, “Nothing but Rock,” and listeners dropped “nothing” from the tagline. Loudwire points out that there are two distinct eras of butt rock: the ‘80s hair bands and the post grunge and nu metal of the late ‘90s and ‘00s. 


    HOPPIN’ ON A TRAIN, WE’LL BURN UP THE TRACKS. What, then, is the characteristics of “butt rock”? Like any musical sub-genre, especially if it is named more as a slur for the sub-genre not even used by the bands classified by the sub-genre, associations in the label are loose. Just as The Doobie Brothers & Daryl Hall and John Oats may be classified or contested alongside Christopher Cross and Kenny Loggins in the now so-called sub-genre of Yacht Rock, association with “butt-rock” seems to be more about music listeners disdain for certain characteristics. For the sake of today’s song, I’m only going to discuss second wave “butt rock,” music classified by  unimaginative, sometimes toxic masculine lyrics and boring melodies droned by a white male lead singer with a limited vocal range. It’s a copy and paste of the sound of grunge without any progressive politics—butt rockers tend to be nihilistic or even lean to conservative politics—or any of the novelty that made the the original sound of grunge unique to the music scene. Now that we have a loose definition of the label, music snobs start casting your favorite bands from 2001 into the pit. 

    AS LONG AS WE’RE TOGETHER, FOREVER IS NEVER TOO LONG. Creed is perhaps the first band that gets cast into the “butt rock” collection. There were a ton of bands in the Angsty Aughts who fit the definition from Three Days Grace to 3 Doors Down. Mississippi-based post-grunge band 3 Doors Down was huge from their first hit, “Kryptonite.” They had a string of hits both on rock and pop radio and even a few big movie placements like their massive hit “Be Like That” appearing in the film American Pie 2. For me, 3 Doors Down albums sound mostly the same except for their 2008 eponymous album, which feels like the most refined version of their southern blues rock with elements of gospel. The guitar tones are well recorded and add a longing sense that I think is absent in their earlier work and singer Brad Arnold’s voice plays on the guitar tones in a satisfying way. From the bluesy opening “Train” into the “support the troops” anthems of “Citizen/Solider” and “It’s Not My Time” the album are balanced by introspective tracks like “Let Me Be Myself,” “When It’s Over,” the R&B-drumbeat closer “She Doesn’t Want the World” make 3 Doors Down the best that the band has to offer. My favorite song, though, has to be “Runaway” for the meditation it presents on the rock ‘n’ roll theme of escape, which becomes escapism for those of us rooted to a job. It’s a simple song, but production is key in the delivery. If only the band stopped while they were ahead. But there had to be the 2017 presidential inauguration, which is certainly a topic for another day. 

    Read the lyrics on Genius.

  • “LALA” by Myke Towers, Thursday, August 15, 2024

     

    Last summer Puerto Rican singer-songwriter/rapper Michael Anthony Torres Monge, known professionally as Myke Towers, scored a massive Spanish-language hit with “LALA.” The song topped the charts in several Latin American countries and was his highest-charting US Billboard Hot 100 song. The reggaeton track was a perfect late-summer moment last year and spread on TikTok past the summer. The song has a very smooth, hypnotic tone, especially for those not fluent in Spanish. Today, I will create the Apple Music version of Música Española Favorita. I hope that my Apple Music listeners enjoy these songs as much as I have recently. I will keep adding music to this playlist as I get more into Spanish-language music.




  • "good 4 u" by olivia rodrigo, Wednesday, August 14, 2024 (repost)

    “My my, hey hey/ Rock ‘n’ Roll is here to stay” declares Neil Young in his 1978 song.  Rock music has had a lasting presence in pop culture since the age of Chuck Berry and  Little Richard. At some points in the ’60s, ’70s, ’80s, ’90s, and ’00s the genre took the primary spots on radio charts outside of the genre. However, around the end of the ’00s, Hip Hop decimated the genre. The rock bands left standing mostly traded their axes for acoustic guitars, keyboards, EDM beats, or Trap rhythms. Much of the rock music was indistinguishable from other genres, and that trend continues into the 2020s. However, just as rock bands crossed over to the pop charts, the late 2010s to 2021 saw pop singers experiment with rock music. From Miley Cyrus performing with Metallica to rappers like Post Malone and Machine Gun Kelly flirting with emo, some may argue that Rock is seeing a mainstream resurgence. Enter Olivia Rodrigo‘s “good 4 u,” the first guitar-driven song to top the British pop charts for more than four weeks since 2003’s “Bring Me to Life” by Evanescence. 

    YOU BOUGHT A NEW CAR AND YOUR CAREER’S REALLY TAKING OFF. Disney Channel star-turned-musician Olivia Rodrigo released her debut album Sour back in May this year. The album is one of the biggest of the year for several reasons. Critics loved how self-aware Rodrigo’s lyrics were for her late teenage years. Musically, listeners and critics loved the genre-bending of the songs. Rodrigo was influenced by pop, synth-pop, punk, and metal. The album’s second single, “good 4 u,” taps into the angry girl rock song, popularized in the ’90s by Fiona Apple and Alanis Morissette–critics even calling Sour the Jagged Little Pill for Generation Z. While modern “sad girl” music influenced by these ’90s stars, artists like Lana Del Rey, Lorde, and Billie Eilish, has tended to avoid heavy guitars and drums as if it were an embarrassing trend, Rodrigo leans into it on “good 4 u.” Many listeners have cited a similarity between Rodrigo’s second chart-topping hit and Paramore‘s breakthrough single, “Misery Business.” Rodrigo admitted to taking the inspiration for parts of the song and eventually gave writing credits to Paramore’s Haley Williams and Zac Farro.

    I’VE SPENT THE NIGHT CRYING ON THE BATHROOM FLOOR. “Good 4 u” captures the grief of the “loser” of a breakup. This is in contrast to the “victor” who is doing great with someone new. While some breakups occur completely mutually, that kind of breakup doesn’t make good rock songs. Keane‘s “We Might as Well Be Strangers” takes a sad approach of two people who don’t know each other anymore. But in “good 4 u” the listener is either 1) passive aggressively rubbing the speaker’s face in her success or 2) genuinely misses the other person and is even looking for her affirmation. Either way, Rodrigo calls him a “damn sociopath.” Today’s song isn’t just sour; it’s as spicy as a jalapeño. Rodrigo’s hit takes a few jabs at her assumed ex, co-star Joshua Bassett, who reportedly got famous, according to Rodrigo, on the coattails of her success. The lyrics of the song use sarcasm, even including a singing laugh more commonly heard in musical theater than in pop or rock music. Whereas the lyrics are about rage, the video is pure revenge. Some may feel a similarity to the “Misery Business” video. The video shows Rodrigo burning down a house, losing her mind with rage, yet looking cute and pretty all along the way. 

    Read the lyrics on Genius.


      

  • “Killing Me” by Conan Gray, Tuesday, August 13, 2024

































    Last Halloween, Conan Gray released the third single, “Killing Me” from his 2024 album Found Heaven. The single followed “Never Ending Song,” which was a stylistic shift to ‘80s-styled production-based maximalist pop. The second single from the then-upcoming album was the personal ballad “Winner,” which was much more in the style of Gray’s typical confessional singer-songwriter mode. “Winner” would be the final track on Found Heaven. The third single, today’s song, returned Gray to the ‘80s pop sound that molded the album. Found Heaven is an album of glam rock experimentation, ballads, and new wave pop songs; sometimes these elements mix. The best example is when “Killing Me,” the album’s penultimate song transforms from a piano ballad to a synth rocker at the first chorus.


    TOO BUSY DECEIVIN’ AND CHEATIN’ AND LYIN’ AND COMPETIN’. The stories that Conan Gray tells in the album’s lyrics and promotional interviews he has given to Billboard, Zach Sang, and others are simultaneously raw confessionals and opaque concerning personal details.  Gray shares just enough to keep the story compelling and not too much to keep his privacy and the privacy of the others he is involved with. Gray even goes so far as to disguise the genders of the people he is talking about, refraining from using third-person pronouns in most of his songs and speaking of all unidentified persons using the third-person plural pronouns they and them. Conan could be speaking about non-binary individuals, but throughout the singer’s career, he has talked about multiple people using they/them. Since Gray’s breakthrough debut album Kid Krow, he has refused to label his sexuality. It’s ultimately nobody’s business and in the absence of details, his songs become about the listener’s experiences rather than a speculation about who Gray is singing about. The songs become universal because listeners see parallels in their lives. 

    I WANNA DIE, BUT YOU KEEP ME ALIVE. There are a few details that Conan Gray shared about Found Heaven. In interviews, he talks about falling in love for the first time and then being broken up after stepping off the plane in London after flying across the Atlantic to be with that person. Later, as Conan was recording the album, he got sick with the flu. But the flu that he caught caused a chain reaction of health issues, including tonsillitis. The music video for “Killing Me” was even canceled because Gray had to have his tonsils removed. As he was sick, Conan was also heartbroken. He said of the third single: “I think we all have those people who don’t treat us nearly well enough, but we just can’t seem to let them go. People who call you at 2 [] AM, and who you know you shouldn’t pick up……but you do. ‘Killing Me’ is for when you’re on your last limb begging this person to just please stop torturing your heart.” Found Heaven feels like a weird moment in Conan Gray’s life, and in turn, a weird moment in his musical career. But we all get over our first loves, more or less. We fall in love again and break up. We get sick and feel better. Found Heaven is like a weird ‘80s movie you watch on TV when you have the flu and hallucinate a bit as you drift off to sleep. I don’t think this is where Gray will stay, but it was certainly a fun phase. Sadly, it came from the pain of the artist.



     

  • “Heaven” by Troye Sivan ft. Betty Who, Monday, August 12, 2024 (repost)

    On December 4, 2015, Troye Sivan released his wildly successful first LP, Blue    Neighbourhood.  Building a large Internet fanbase, Blue Neighbourhood peaked at #7 on the Billboard 200 album chart. The standard edition of the album   contained 3 of the 10 songs from the previously released Wild EP. The LP, though, gave Sivan his first US Top 40 single, “Youth.” Four of the ten songs on Blue were singles, starting with “Wild,” a remix of which was rereleased with guest vocals by Alessia Cara as Sivan’s fourth single from the album, which was a major hit in South Korea.   

    TRUTH RUNS WILD. The final single, “Heaven,” was released on October 17, 2016. The Jack Antonoff-produced single features a second verse from fellow Australian pop star, Betty Who. After Sivan came out in a YouTube video in August of 2013, he became an LGBTQ+ icon, as he processed his sexuality in the lyrics of his music. Part of the promotion for Blue Neighbourhood was a trilogy of videos imagining the themes of two young gay lovers as they deal with the social and relational implications of their love. For the album’s final single, though, Sivan digs into his religious background. Raised Orthodox Jewish, Sivan had an early crisis of faith when he thought he might be gay. He revealed to We the Unicorns that he began to ask “really, really terrifying questions. Am I ever going to find someone? Am I ever going to be able to have a family? If there is a God, does that God hate? If there is a heaven, am I ever going to make it to heaven?” Taking these thoughts into the studio with co-writers Antonoff, Alex Hope, and Grimes (Clair Boucher), Sivan concludes: “If I’m losing a piece of me/ Maybe I don’t want heaven.” 

    WITHOUT LOSING A PIECE OF ME. The lyrics of “Heaven” deal with a personal crisis, but the video shows historic pride marches and footage of LGBTQ+ Rights activist, Harvey Milk. The queer-themed music video was meant to be released on January 20, 2016, the day that Donald Trump was inaugurated as the 45th president of the United States, but the video was released on the 19th because of fans’ responses to the video’s teaser. When I first heard “Heaven” back in 2016, my Adventist-raised brain was triggered. In many Protestant denominations, there’s this delicate dance between grace and works. Adventists preached against more permissive denominations that didn’t take the rules from the Old Testament seriously. Becoming an Adventist meant giving up a list of things the world thinks are normal: 1) unclean meats 2) jewelry 3) smoking 4) alcohol 5) working on Saturdays, and that was just the beginning. I remember manipulative sermons that analyzed why ______ was sinful, and if you loved _____ more than God, you’d be sure to be left out of heaven. Adventists claimed to be more biblical than other Christians, and that grace leads to a reformed life. Of course, ask any denomination, and they would draw a line on something. And all denominations that I knew of when I was growing up,  the very basic thing was, don’t be gay. Sivan’s response is that if he has to change, he doesn’t want heaven. To an Adventist, this could be just as much for someone who doesn’t want to give up bacon as someone who is gay. They would say it’s all sin and a war with the flesh. Growing up in that religion it made perfect sense until I realized I couldn’t not be gay.


    Read the lyrics on Genius.