Mixtapemotions

  • “Diamonds” by Boyce Avenue (Cover of Rihanna), Friday, June 23, 2023 (repost)

    The model for Boyce Avenue‘s success was simple: choose a current top 40 track and release a cover in their own style. YouTube would list their videos below the original song and suggest more of their songs on the side banner. Starting their YouTube channel in 2007, they were on the ground floor of the viral marketing. And with international tours and constantly releasing content, the band continues to have a large following on streaming services. The band hasn’t released a full-length project since 2020’s Cover Sessions, Vol. 6,  but have been releasing singles in 2021 and 2022, including today’s song, a cover of Rihanna‘s 2012 hit, “Diamonds.” 

    Image captured from the James Webb Space 
    Telescope from NASA’s Flickr account. Source.


    PALMS RISE TO THE UNIVERSE. It’s difficult not to think about the children’s song “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star,” particularly the line: “like a diamond in the sky,” when I hear any version of Rihanna’s “Diamonds.” The chorus says, “we’re beautiful like diamonds in the sky.” The song gives a very distant feeling. The speaker choses happiness which might mean separation from a loved one. The speaker and the listener are beautiful with space between them, perhaps with the 13 billion light years between them like the trending photos from the James Webb telescope. While stars are “like a diamond in the sky,” actual diamonds are more common in space than Earth as the conditions of pressure and heat are found naturally on planets with a higher gravity than Earth’s and hotter temperatures. Because diamonds and graphite are chemically identical, my high school science teacher often scoffed at the idea that he had to buy his girlfriend a diamond ring to propose to her. And given that diamond culture was created by a jewelry company in the 1930s and sold to us with keen placements in movies and advertising, starting with Marlyn Monroe declaring “Diamonds are a girl’s best friend.” De Beers marketed diamonds to us, setting the standard of how much to pay for the engagement ring. In 1930, one month’s salary. In the 1980s, it became two months. In the ’00s, my science teacher would have been expected to fork over three month’s salary. 

    FEEL THE WARMTH, WE’LL NEVER DIE. One of the memories I have with this song comes from an Australian TV show called Please Like Me. The show is centered on awkward 20-something Josh (played by Josh Thomas) as he deals with finding love after realizing that he is gay. In the second episode of the final season of the show, Josh and his friends and the guy he is dating, Arnold (Keegan Joyce), at the time go on a camping trip. Through out their relationship, Josh and Arnold seem to be completely out of sync. On the first night of the camping trip, Arnold brings his guitar and starts singing “Diamonds” (see the clip below). Keegan Joyce who plays Arnold is actually a professional singer and the performance is not that bad, but the eye rolling between the other characters makes the scene oddly relatable for anyone who’s been on a camping trip with that guy. Of the three songs in the episode, Rebecca Black‘s “Friday,” Arnold playing “Diamonds,” and the ending of the trip listening to Justin Bieber’s “Love Yourself,” “Diamonds” serves as maybe the most memorable part of the show that I watched years ago. The show is worth a watch to American viewers who have never tried an Australian show. 
    Boyce Avenue’s version:
    Rihanna’s version
    Josef Salvat’s version: 
    Please Like Me clip: 

  • “Baby Don’t Hurt Me” by David Guetta ft. Anne-Marie & Coi Leray, Thursday, June 22, 2023

     

    Maybe you started bobbing your head thirty years ago when Trinidadian-German singer Haddaway released “What Is Love.” The 1993 infectious hit escaped the discotheque and reached number 1 in 13 countries– though peaking at number 11 in America–and spawned cultural memes before there were memes were on dial-up Internet, most notably appearing in a recurring Saturday Night Live sketch-turned feature film as Will Ferrell, Chris Kattan, and the guest of the week danced at The Roxbury. 


    WHAT WE DO BEHIND DOORS IS OUR BUSINESS. Fast forward to 2023 and we’re in the middle of a ’90s revival. Maybe Lady Gaga started the early ’90s revival in 2020 with tracks like “Babylon” on Chromatica, but we could hear it also on Tove Lo‘s “Grapefruit” last year. Last August French DJ David Guetta released the on-the-nose club hit “I’m Good” (Blue) featuring vocals by Bebe Rexha. The song interpolated what I thought was an untouchable classic, Eiffel 65‘s “Blue” (Da Ba Dee). Then in April, Guetta took perhaps the most iconic ’90s dance chorus and added new verses, sung by Anne-Marie and rapped by Coi Leray, replacing the forgettable verses from Haddaway’s original hit “What Is Love.” The music video features Anne-Marie dressed in ’90s-style club couture and Coi Leray dressed in what looks like early ’00 club wear. The video is shot like a high-budget ’90s music video, but in contrast the film technique looks cheap, tacky, and enduring in a ’90s nostalgia sense. David Guetta also appears in the video, dressed in a white suit, standing at the bar drinking a product-placement advertisement, Volcan VA vodka. 

    I POP IT LIKE ADDERALL. Something the video for “Baby Don’t Hurt Me” feels, well, creepy. It’s a bad vibe more than a logical argument and it has to do with David Guetta’s presence in the video. Rather than acting as a DJ, he’s just–there. The plot of the video follows the disagreement between the singer Anne-Marie and rapper Coi Leray. Their beef seems to be a clashing of the ’90s and the ’00s, though they are only six years apart in age. Anne-Marie was born in 1991 and Leray was born in 1997. The song “What Is Love,” while a club and meme staple into the late ’90s was obviously before both the millennial singer and Gen-Z rapper’s time, and yet somehow, this ’90s/’00s club takes us to timeless space where a somewhat villainous-looking music mogul/zaddy watches intently as the dance floor is literally transformed into a boxing ring and Anne-Marie and Leray fight dirty. I’m not judging the video as immorality, but the expressions on Guetta’s face make me feel icky. And even with the literal SNL nod to the Night at the Roxbury sketches/ movie and the credits real when the three performers head bob in the car at the end don’t erase the unsettling feeling I have for the video. Really it’s an unsettled feeling about this song. “What Is Love” is a musical trope. What’s next, Guetta, “Never Gonna Give You Up” with trap beats? I think that if you are in the mood for ’90s nostalgia, look to my ‘90s vibes playlist, which I’m updating today. I’ll add this song to it, but I think that there are certainly better executions of how to make a nostalgic bop without ripping off a song you wish would just be a fading memory of the night you bobbed your head at the Roxbury. 

  • “My My My!” by Troye Sivan (Updated repost), Wednesday, June 21, 2023

    Following Blue Neighbourhood, Troye Sivan released another collection of songs celebrating queer love in 2018. This time,  Bloom was less about love in the abstract and more about sex. Songs like the title track dealing with anal sex, the Apple Music edition of the album’s opener “Seventeen” recalling how the singer lost his virginity to an older man on Grindr when he was seventeen, to a song about his boyfriend who “Tastes like Lucky Strikes” may take a few listens to understand the euphemisms.

    SHINE ON, DIAMOND.  Bloom holds an 85% on Meta-Critic, meaning that most reviews were favorable. In America, though, Sivan’s music mostly is confined to the LGBTQ+ community, and Bloom didn’t make a splash in the mainstream pop market. But looking at the promotion, Sivan’s team clearly had the young star’s sights on conquering the charts. A track with Ariana Grande, a performance, albeit a polarizing performance, on Saturday Night Live, and a guest spot on Ellen weren’t enough to raise the singer’s pop stardom.  The first single from Sivan’s sophomore LP, “My My My!” topped the Billboard Dance Club Songs. NPR and Pitchfork praised the album. The former said reviewing Sivan’s “My My My!” video: “[i]t’s not every day you see a young, skinny, queer kid get to be completely himself in a music video, and Sivan makes us want to dance along with him.” His performance on SNL, though, divided viewers. It ranked as the ninth-worst performance, according to a video by WatchMojo.com.  Many wondered who the singer was and why they should care about a singer “trying to be Aaron Carter“? 

    I DIE EVERY NIGHT WITH YOU. In Korea, though, you can easily hear Troye Sivan’s music when you go shopping or go out to eat, and this is every single the singer puts out.  One of the questions that I’ve had in my own coming out journey is why are some LGBTQ+ figures so big in Korea? Korea is a country that neither criminalizes homosexuality nor grants rights  1)against discrimination 2) for civil unions, marriage, inheritance, or adoption 3) any specific protection under the law. Singers like Troye Sivan and Sam Smith became huge in Korea although only one Korean celebrity has publicly come out, which initially ruined his career. In America, maybe Troye Sivan’s SNL performance is still too gay for the mainstream. The country has made progress in LGBTQ+ representation, but maybe homophobia is preventing Sivan from becoming a huge star, much in the way that if an A-list Hollywood actor were to come out (Tom Cruise, John Travolta) it is still speculated to be a career suicide. As with singers of the past who came out or were later found out not to be straight, it was easier for the listeners to accept that singer–after all celebrities aren’t like us, right?–rather than recognize it and accept those around them who were not straight. I always hope that Troye Sivan, Sam Smith, Freddie Mercury, Elton John, and so many other LGBTQ+ celebrities can be a point of discussion about accepting the community in one’s own backyard.


  • “Easy on Me” by Adele (updated repost), Tuesday, June 20, 2023

     

    On October 1, 2021, signs and wonders and rumors of a fourth album by international superstar Adele appeared around the globe. The singer has been dropping hints of a new record since 2019; however, the recording process was delayed in 2020 due to the pandemic. Adele is a relatively reclusive pop star, taking long breaks between albums and rarely offering fans singles in between. In 2020, she emerged 100 lbs lighter, flexing her acting and comedy muscles hosting Saturday Night Live. Fans were shocked at her acting range as she wasn’t even the featured musical guest. But in true Adele fashion, the British singer kept a low profile after the comedy performance until Fall 2021. Billboards and holographic writing appeared on the Empire State Building, at the Louvre, and the side of the Colosseum among other landmarks with the number 30. Adele fans around the world began to speculate about the singer’s follow up to her Diamond-certified 2015 masterpiece, 25.

    I KNOW THERE’S HOPE IN THESE WATERS. The teaser went like this: a return to social media platforms, a black-and-white video teaser in which Adele gets in the car to the tune of a melancholy piano, she puts a tape in the car’s cassette player, we see that she is moving—the house is sold, her belongings in trucks—then sheet music comes flying out of the moving truck ahead. A few days later, Adele sang the first verse of the song on Instagram Live. Then, Adele released the full-length video and the single on streaming platforms. Adele’s age series means something special to the artist. The songs reflect the artist’s perspective at that age. On the artist’s 31st birthday, in 2019, Adele uploaded black and white photos to her Instagram with the caption: “30 will be a drum n bass record to spite you.” Adele had separated from her husband in 2018, and 30 would be the record that she would process the unhappiness she felt in her marriage. 

    BUT I CAN’T BRING MYSELF TO SWIM. “Hello” was a follow up to “Someone Like You.” Likewise, “Easy on Me” is a follow up to “Hello.” The music videos for “Easy” and “Hello” were both directed by Xavier Dolan, and “Easy on Me,” depicts the singer moving on with her life—full make-up, almost Lana Del Rey style. Adele’s plea is for the press and the people in her life to go easy on her for the mistakes that she’s made. She fell out of love with her partner. The press only wanted more details. But most of all, her now 10 year old son didn’t understand why the couple divorced. Adele’s new single and upcoming album will attempt to explain to her son why she left a relationship that was “going through the motions” in order pursue happiness and the possibility of true love.

    Lyric Video:
    Live version:

  • “From the Start” by Laufey, Monday, June 19, 2023

    People that complain that there is no talent in music today are overlooking quite a few artists. My blog is full of talent young musicians from Betty Who to Charlie Puth who may not be the most popular musicians, but they have used classical and technical training to write and produce their own songs. Of course there are tons of other examples, but I mention both Who and Puth because, like Laufey Lín Jónsdóttir, Icelandic singer-songwriter and multi-instrumentalist, these artists are all alumnus of Berklee College of Music, a prestigious school that has just as many famous graduates as famous dropouts.


    ME AND YOU AND AWKWARD SILENCE. Laufey Lín Jónsdóttir, better know by her first name Laufey, was born to a Chinese mother and an Icelandic father. Laufey was raised on classical and jazz music. Her mother is a classical violinist, and her grandfather, Lin Yaoji was famous a violin instructor at the Central Conservatory of Music in China from which he graduated and also studied at the Moscow Conservatory of Music in Soviet Russia. Laufey followed in her mother’s footsteps, but rather than violin, she plays cello, even performing as a soloist when she was 15 with the Iceland Symphony Orchestra. But classical music is only at most half of the 24-year-old artist’s influence. Today’s song, the latest single from her upcoming album Bewitched “From the Start” sounds somewhere between bedroom pop and jazz. It’s her father’s jazz records, particularly female artists such as Ella Fitzgerald and Billie Holiday, that inspire this sound. With a steady start to her career, including participating on Ísland Got Talent (a national talent search the equivalent of America’s Got Talent for the nation of Iceland), recognition from Willow Smith and Billie Eilish, and Spotify playlist inclusion of her latest hit, “From the Start,” music is certainly ready for a jazz revival.

    BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. Laufey described “From the Start” as “the ultimate friends to lovers song for all your delusional daydreams.” It’s a summery sort of tune that feels both easy on the ears and taxing on the soul. The calming bossa nova guitar is a constant sense of calm. Laufey’s voice is wistful, taking listeners along on a mostly smooth journey, though there is a bit of turbulence the way that she sings a few of the phrases in the song. The first example occurs in the first verse. When she sings “awkward silence,” Laufey emphasizes kw sound and adds an extra nasal sound to the end of word awkward. The song sounds awkward again when the speaker says “she’s so perfect. Blah, blah, blah.” While I don’t find these lines annoying, they certainly take you out of the flow of the song. And that’s the point because a slow piece of music like “From the Start” probably wouldn’t be remembered without the singer’s vocal performance. And certainly fewer people would think about the words–about the theme of falling in love with your best friend. The inner monologue proposed in this song contrasts to the kind of girl who plays the best friend when the person she loves falls for someone else. Still, regardless of the awkward bits, the song is certainly going to be a nice song to listen to by the pool with an ice cold beverage this summer.

  • “People of the Pride” by Coldplay, Sunday, June 17, 2023























    We haven’t heard a rock song from English Alternative-turned-pop act Coldplay since…ever, come to think of it. Even when the band was considered cool in the early ’00s, they weren’t exactly known for distorted guitars or thundering bass. And years of refining their sound in a time when rock music’s cultural impact retracted into the underground solidified Coldplay as the 21st century’s definition of pop-rock. But in 2019, the band decided to break with their established sound and put out something a little more experimental, a two-disc record titled Everyday Life.  The album was released with only three sparsely promoted singles and no planned tour to support the record, which didn’t really matter since all tour plans would be canceled early the next year, anyway.


    THERE’S A MAN WHO SWEARS HE’S GOD. Coldplay’s most recent album, Music of the Spheres, doesn’t hold to a set genre. Lead singer Chris Martin has called the invention of genre as a racist categorization of music, thus Coldplay now feels free to use genre as if it were a mood on their latest album. While the signature sound of the album lies in the two biggest hits, “Higher Power” and “My Universe,”–ebullient Max Martin  produced electro-pop–Coldplay delves into what would be considered “World Music” in the ’90s ambient and album-oriented pop/rock. Today’s song, “People of the Pride,” though is an angry rock song in the way Coldplay has never gotten in touch with that emotion. Martin says that the song started out as a demo during the Viva La Vida session. Originally titled “The Man Who Swears,” Max Martin encouraged the band to revisit the song for their latest album.  The band used some of the original lyrics, and if they had released it without modification, they would have become a band that swore earlier than 2019, as the song contains a rare use of the f-bomb. Lyrically, the “People of the Pride” uses purely figurative language, but given the current political climate of the world, this figurative language seems all too clear.

    YOU GOT A LION INSIDE. The word pride in Coldplay’s “People of the Pride” seems to imply three distinct meanings of the word. First, the song begins by addressing “People to the left” and “People to the right,” most likely discussing political division. These people have a “lion inside” and can revolt against the “man who swears he’s god.” The first use of pride refers to the people who are lions that surround the “man who swears he’s god.” The “man who swears he’s god” has too much pride to admit that he is wrongfully using his leadership by making the people “march around” his “homemade cuckoo clock.” The song’s speaker also talks about religion: “It’s all work; it’s not easy / And we could all be blown away / And Heaven is a fire escape / You try to cling to in the dark.” Whether or not God is equated with the dictator mentioned in the song or if religion is merely his tool is up for interpretation. Certainly, religion, historically, has been a means of social control, and the promise of heaven and the threat of hell have been the carrot and the stick that has kept a certain social order as well as a few bad actors in power. But the song implies one more meaning of pride. The line “We’ll be free to fall in love / With who we want and say” most likely refers to LGBTQ+ pride. And this is the message wrapped in the mixed symbols: love is love no matter what governments and religions may try to manipulate or force away. It’s certainly a less radical message than when U2 started swinging a pride flag around at concerts or even making a music video telling the story of reconciliation between a father and his gay son in the 1991 video for “One.” In 2021, the message wasn’t radical, yet very little has changed in the political and mainstream religious landscape. So few realize that they are being manipulated by the powerful to keep themselves down. When will the people of the pride understand what’s really going on?
     

  • “favorite kind of high” by Kelly Clarkson, Saturday, June 17, 2023

    Kelly Clarkson‘s over twenty year career since winning the first season of American Idol has made the singer one of the most successful voices in music today. Twenty years ago, her debut album Thankful debuted at number 1 on the Billboard 200 album sales charts. Clarkson was both the first Idol winner, the most successful, and the most lasting, and she has worked hard to keep her music and her overall brand in the spotlight for twenty years, doing so without much controversy. Later this month, twenty years after her debut, she will release Chemistry, her tenth studio album.


    TAKE ME HOME TONIGHT. Kelly Clarkson has entertained her fans with a wide-range of sounds. American Idol helped Clarkson sell the sounds she was unable to market prior to the show. She told The Guardian in 2015 that she was turned down by every record label and she was told she “sounded too black.” But with American Idol and the management she was signed to because of the show, Clarkson wasn’t exactly free to make the music she wanted. So by her sophomore album, Clarkson signed a new management deal and ventured into an edgier rock sound.  With the exception of her third record My December, which took a darker sound, the rock sound proved to be a successful musical endeavor for Clarkson. But as rock music’s favorability diminished in the ‘10s, Clarkson’s music returned to her R&B and soul roots. The late ’10s proved successful for Clarkson as a singer and as a television personality. Her 2017 album  Meaning of Life is a gem of a mature singer all the more comfortable with her vocal virtuosity.

    RUSHIN’ THROUGH ME LIKE A FIRE. But Kelly Clarkson will only truly followed up Meaning of Life with Chemistry. While Clarkson did start writing the follow up to Meaning of Life, a whole lotta life happened in between the releases. For starters, Clarkson separated and divorced her husband after seven years of marriage. Clarkson also served as a judge on the hit show The Voice. The busy schedule of the show keeps all of the celebrity panelists busy from their musical careers. Then in 2019, Clarkson got her own talk show on NBC, eventually taking Ellen Degeneres‘ time slot in 2022. While Clarkson recorded an EP of covers last year, Kellyoke, and a Christmas album in 2021, her busy schedule may be a reason why we haven’t had an album of original songs since 2017. Clarkson has released several singles from Chemistry including today’s song “favorite kind of high” along with a remix by David Guetta and even a track with comedy legend Steve Martin called “i hate love,” with Martin even playing banjo on the track. If you wonder why “favorite kind of high” sounds so bouncy and refreshing, look no further than the credits, which lists Carly Rae Jepsen as one of the three writers on the track. While divorce and break ups are in the singer’s past, love has a healing, euphoric power. I hope to be pleasantly surprised with a great album later this month. 

  • "Weekend" by Taeyeon, Friday, June 16, 2023 + Weekend Vibes Playlist Spotify Edition

    Taeyeon released the first single to her third album almost three years ago. It’s a light, airy disco song all about taking it easy. And after a week like this one, I need to stop over thinking and let my stress melt away. So here’s an updated Weekend Vibes playlist filled with tracks formulated to give you an awesome weekend. I’ve expanded and substituted some of the tracks to make the playlist better. Let’s enjoy the smooth sounds!




  • “Light Switch” by Charlie Puth, Thursday, June 15, 2023

    Like Rick Beato explains in his provocatively titled video “What’s Wrong with Charlie Puth‘s Single” (see below), I was shocked that such an earworm didn’t chart very well. Beato’s commentary in the video is a dig at other musical trends–trap beats, explicit lyrics, and multiple songwriters–which contribute to a pop song’s success. I don’t completely agree with Beato’s assessment of “Light Switch” and pop music in general, but the question remains why such an instant sing-along melody didn’t chart higher than number 27 on Billboard’s Hot 100 chart. Of course, there’s just so much music out there vying for our attention.


    ALL THE SUDDEN I’M HYPNOTIZED. Beato’s liking for Charlie Puth is even puzzling for some of the YouTuber’s viewers. There are many other music YouTubers and Podcasters who call out Beato’s biased views. Maybe it’s pop music filtered through his kids’ tastes that he got turned on to Puth and the young artist’s song production; however, Beato does not extend a lot of praise to other artists like, say, Ed Sheeran who arguably has a comparable approach to songwriting and production only with a much larger song catalogue. For example, of “Light Switch,” Beato said that because Charlie Puth has perfect pitch, the autotune he uses on his voice is an interesting effect. But another time, Beato criticized Sheeran who also used autotune on the single “Bad Habits.” But rather than harping on the unfairness in Beato’s assessments, we can celebrate the talent that Puth brings to music. His fans get an insight into how music is recorded when Puth releases videos showing his “voice notes”–ingredients–samples–that mix into a delicious finished musical entree. It’s often very, very sweet. But there’s a lot going on.

    I DON’T WANNA FIGHT THIS. While there might be a lot going on musically in “Light Switch”–disco guitar, an extremely fast beat, uncommon chords in pop music–the lyrics are quite simple. Like many of the songs on Charlie, Puth’s third album, “Light Switch” deals with the same themes of “We Don’t Talk Anymore” and “Attention.” This theme: a girl who gives mixed signals, showing the speaker signs of admiration in private but acting as if it never happened when the speaker meets her in public. The story depicted in the music video, though, is worth some discussion. In the video, we see a transformation of a young man, played by Puth, from a chubby shut-in, depressed about a girl who broke his heart, to a fit powerhouse of energy. The transformation? Billy Blanks, a famous Tae Bo martial artist and aerobic personality from the ’90s, trains the young man, guiding him to make positive decisions. Eventually, Puth stands outside his ex’s door singing only for her ex’s new boyfriend to come to the door. Ironically, she’s with a man who looked like Puth before the transformation. Today, the video has an existential meaning to it. I wonder how much I’ve been training for the wrong thing? How much have I been training for the a past, pre-pandemic reality. I finely got off my couch and put down the potato chips and set a new goal, but as I get closer to that goal, I realize how much farther away it is than in 2019. What does Blanks encourage Charlie to do next? Sometimes these major setbacks make us want to go back to the couch, but isn’t it much better to be young and healthy? Isn’t there a new goal you can chase?








  • “I’m Like a Bird” by Nelly Furtado, Wednesday, June 14, 2023

    In 2000, Nelly Furtado became an international star. In a music scene inundated with teen pop, Furtado was a singer-songwriter who fused international folk, Latin pop, and hip-hop  in a sometimes radio-friendly way. The Portuguese-Canadian singer had two incredibly successful non-consecutive records, her debut Whoa, Nelly! in 2000 and Loose in 2006 before almost disappearing from the pop charts. 

    YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL, THAT’S FOR SURE. “I’m Like a Bird” was the first of three major hits from Whoa, Nelly! The song talked about the speaker’s transient existence, assuring the listener that her “love is rare though . . . true” she really longs to fly away. She doesn’t “know where [her] home is” nor “where [her] soul is.”  In other words, the speaker cannot be tied down to the cages of what most of us would call a normal human existence. And if this was true of Furtado’s personal life, it was certainly true of her musical expression. Rather than making the obvious follow up to Whoa, Nelly!, the singer opted to write an album that doubled down on Portuguese folk songs in her sophomore flop, Folklore. But looking purely at the first three singles from Whoa, Nelly!–“I’m Like a Bird,” the sexy “Turn Off the Lights,” or the radio edited “Shit on the Radio” (Remember the Days), which was censored with a DJ scratch and a title “. . . On the Radio”–these singles took us out of the old millennium and into the new somehow linking us with the angsty queens of alternative pop radio in the ’90s and foreshadowing the alternative “sad girls” of the ’10s. If we look to the Adult Pop and Alternative Pop of the early 2000s from Michelle Branch to Vanessa Carlton, it now seems clear that women would become the dominating force on pop radio.

    YOUR FAITH IN ME BRINGS ME TO TEARS. I’ll always remember Nelly Furtado as my middle school crush. At least that’s what I told my friends. Furtado was certainly pretty and exuded sexuality–albeit a more grown up sexuality–than most of the other pop stars of the day. A few years later, it was J-Lo, and in high school it was Kierra Knightly or Natalie Portman. These girls were certainly pretty, but I actually had to pretend to have a crush on them. It was those late night camping conversations when the boys would start talking about girls, in low tones, whispering so camp counselors wouldn’t hear. “What I’d do to her on our wedding night. . .” kind of sanctified horny conversations. You have to play along. You can play super righteous for a time, but eventually you have to play along to avoid the questions, to avoid the rumors and shame. So you throw out a name. And try to give that name as much passion as you think about Ricky Martin or Ben Affleck.