Mixtapemotions

  • “C’est Comme Ça” by Paramore, Friday, February 3, 2023

    Next Friday, we’ll see the return of Paramore after a five-year hiatus. Following the release of 2017’s After Laughter and the promotional tours, the band decided to take an indefinite break. Next week the band will release This Is Why, which seems like a return to form for the band that got their start in pop-punk and emo. In the the six years between After Laughter and This Is Why, pop-punk made a comeback; Paramore’s former guitarist Josh Farro and lead singer received writing credits on Olivia Rodrigo’s mega-hit “good 4 u” in 2021 for a controversial interpolation. 

    I’M OFF CAFFEINE ON DOCTOR’S ORDERS. On Paramore’s 2017 After Laughter lead singer Haley Williams begins to process her divorce from New Found Glory‘s guitarist Chad Gilbert. After touring and promoting After Laughter, Paramore took an indefinite hiatus. Williams started writing music which eventually became 2020’s Petals for Armor, an album in which she analyzes her divorce in a less filtered, more explicit way than she ever expressed on a Paramore song. However, Williams’ solo project was not Paramore, and fans anxiously awaited an announcement on whether the band would call it quits or would return with new music. In January of 2022, Paramore was announced as the co-headliner for the When We Were Young festival, a packed lineup of mostly “elder emo” acts popular fifteen to twenty years ago. And unlike some of the reunited acts for festivals, Paramore’s reunion wasn’t completely set in the past. In late September of last year, Paramore released the lead single from an upcoming album, the eponymous track “This Is Why.” The single was accompanied by a video featuring the band performing in a trailer in the desert. The song was a departure from the ’80s synth sounds of After Laughter, instead involving a disco-sounding chorus and ’70s guitar jamming. 

    I STILL NEED A CERTAIN DEGREE OF DISORDER. “C’est Comme Ça” is the third single from This Is Why and features a spoken-word verse from Haley Williams. The song roughly translates from French as “it is what it is,” and comes from a longer phrase “C’est comme ça et pas autrement,” meaning there’s nothing we can do about a bad situation. The song deals with the PTSD Williams and the world as a whole have dealt with throughout and after the pandemic. The song specifically addresses Williams’ mental health as not only she dealt with a pandemic but also finalizing the process of her divorce. When the band talked to Zane Lowe about the song, Williams talked about adjusting to life in her 30s, saying that she prefers to be in bed by 8 with a cup of tea, which is something she never had imagined for her life. And yet, “C’est Comme Ça” embraces Williams’ addiction to disorder. It’s how she thrives and possibly the spark that keeps the modern-day Fleetwood Mac together. The disorder this time might just have to be Williams dating longtime guitarist Taylor York. But it may turn out to be functional. What will be will be.




  • “Finding Me” by Vertical Horizon, Thursday, February 2, 2023

    I’ve definitely talked about my love for the music of the late ‘90s. The often anodyne lyrics (Third Eye Blind being a notable exception) of the pop-rock groups around the turn of the millennium are arguably forgettable. Ballads pining for lost loves, songs of devotion and admiration, mild “We’re Not Gonna Take It” in a much less rebellious tone all graced the radio with a few edgy “Bitch”es and “Semi-Charmed Life”s. The last generation of radio listeners heard the tones of an acoustic guitar with electric lead embedding sometimes gravelly vocals but more and more men with higher voices than the grunge/post-grunge movement performed in a major key opposed to the minor keys of the grunge and hair metal movements proceeding the millennial pop-rockers. That was the context for Vertical Horizon’s breakthrough, Everything You Want. 

    I DON’T THINK YOU NOTICE. Lead vocalist Matt Scannell and guitarist Keith Kane started Vertical Horizon in 1991 while they were students at Georgetown. After releasing two independent albums the band signed to RCA and released their massive album Everything You Want. The title track, the album’s second single, topped the Hot 100 and the album spawned two singles after “Everything You Want.”  But Vertical Horizon was a kind of one-album wonder. Their follow-up, Go, was under-promoted; the lead single “I’m Still Here” only receiving promotion on Adult Pop stations. The band continued though and even released an album as late as 2018. My personal experience with Vertical Horizon, like most music listeners, goes back to the hits. In my case it was a hotel room on a 4-H trip watching music videos on VH-1, something forbidden in my house at the time. The video for “Everything You Want” was on, and my only memory of the song was the quote: “every six seconds you think about sex,” which I probably reacted obnoxiously in a room full of boys whom I barely knew. I certainly heard the other singles on the radio when I started listening to the radio a few years after the band’s peak, though I don’t remember hearing their final single from the record, “Best I Ever Had” (Grey Sky Morning). I first heard a cover of that song in 2005 when country singer Gary Allan released the single from his album Tough All Over. 

    ‘CAUSE I LIKE SOME SUFFERING. I found a copy of Everything You Want in an under- $10 bin at Sam Goody and because I liked so many of the songs I bought it. The rest of the songs on the record were good, but nothing was spectacular, warranting regular rotation in my car during my junior or senior year. However, today’s song, “Finding Me,” was a highlight from the album, and I felt it stands with the singles of the record. The song shows off lead singer Matt Scannell’s upper range and the lyrics and self-reflective lyrics resonated with a high school junior wondering what his life would hold. It’s that vein that makes “Finding Me” my song of the day. While I haven’t been writing much since I’ve been home, I’ve been having conversations with family members and high school friends about some pretty emotional stuff. It’s so interesting how much I missed in certain situations or how much I didn’t know about a friend or family member. It’s also interesting to hear the opinion of an outsider—a partner of a friend or family member who didn’t live through an experience—and how that outside perspective could be a key to a deeper understanding. I know that one of my biggest flaws, especially when it comes to writing and just living, is getting outside of my own head. I have a cognitive realization that different people are motivated by different things, and they have different preferences. But it’s hard for me to emotionally get there. Too often I revert to the things that I want; I talk about myself when I should listen to others. I’m obsessed with finding me, that I fail to listen to you. But I hope that admitting the problem will lead to shedding some of this narcissism. 


     

  • "Silk Chiffon" by MUNA ft. Phoebe Bridgers, Wednesday, February 1, 2023 (repost)

    MUNA is an alternative pop group composed of three friends who studied together at the University of Southern California. The trio self-produced their debut EP and uploaded it to Bandcamp and SoundCloud. The band’s success with their debut EP led to the group signing with RCA records and releasing their 2017 debut record, About U. In May 2021, the band announced that they had signed to Phoebe Bridgers‘ Saddest Factory record label. The group recently released the single “Silk Chiffon” which features Bridgers singing a verse. The song is one of the group’s few singles to chart on Billboard, peaking at #35 on the US Alternative chart. 


    KEEPIN’ IT LIGHT LIKE SILK CHIFFON. I think I first heard MUNA in the awkward teen comedy Alex Strangelove, a story about a high school senior who is struggling to understand his sexuality. All the members of MUNA identify as queer, though, as a lyricist lead singer Katie Gavin often avoided pronouns in the group’s earlier music to allow all gender and sexual expressions to relate to the band’s music. The group is known for their their dark lyrics. Their latest LP, 2019’s Saves the World, is an addictive break-up record, filled with depressing lyrics, but often using upbeat, deceptive chord progressions. Phoebe Bridgers is known as a “serial collaborator,” which has made the 27-year-old singer quite a versatile star. So many of my music snob podcasts and YouTube channels praise the singer-songwriter. Some even credit her for saving rock music with her two LPs. In addition to collaborations with MUNA this year, she has appeared on Lorde‘s Solar Power, The Killers‘ song “Runaway Horses,” Taylor Swift‘s “Nothing New,” Paul McCartney‘s “Seize the Day,” Julien Baker‘s “Favor” and two songs by Lucy Dacus. 

    LIFE’S SO FUN. “Silk Chiffon” is a positive anthem about queer love. Gavin sings about a girl dressed in a silky dress, while the singer is wearing a mini skirt and rollerblades. Silk chiffon is not only what the girl is wearing, but the singer draws a comparison between the girl and the luxurious feeling someone has when “trying on” a light fabric. Phoebe Bridgers, who identifies as bi-sexual, sings the second verse of the song. Bridgers’ verse takes the song to another perspective. It is the feeling of someone looking at you “with a ‘you’re on camera’ smile.” You feel flattered and you forget that you’re “feeling anxious” about whatever’s going on with your day. There is only one dark element of the ordinarily dark pop group’s latest single. The video, directed by Ally Pankiw, a writer for Schitt’s Creek‘s final season, develops a love story between a camp counselor (portrayed by Bridgers) at a conversion-therapy camp and a girl who was sent away to the camp (portrayed by Gaven). By the end of the video, some of the camp attendees break free and go to a gay bar. Even some of the counselors (Bridgers included) break free from the restrictive camp. It seems that in recent years, the media has shed light on gay conversion therapy camps. In August, director Ryan Murphy released the Pray Away documentary, which follows the dissolving of Exodus International and about former leaders in gay conversion therapy who have changed their views on the practice and embraced who they are in the LGBT community. The adolescent feeling of “Silk Chiffon” for anyone who is becoming aware of their same-sex attraction may be entangled with religious push-back. Mine certainly was. But eventually you have to jump onto the back of the pick-up truck and ride into town. Staying on the farm leads to a life of misery and constant lying to yourself.

    Read “Silk Chiffon” by MUNA on Genius.

     

  • "Higher Power" by Coldplay, Tuesday, January 31, 2023 (repost)

     

    Back in 2010, we learned that yes, a pickle can get more likes than Nickelback, a band that had become the most hated “butt rock” band in the mid-’00s. In fact, the conclusions of the social media study found that a pickle had more likes than Oprah Winfrey or other beloved figures. It turns out that internet users’ hate outweighs Internet love, or the terrible outweighs the good. In 2014, the most hated rock band would become U2 after their release of Songs of Innocence was forced into every iTunes user’s library. People tried everything to scrub the songs from their shuffle. Today, people have mostly forgotten about Nickelback, and Apple Music no longer comes standard with that U2 album, so people have other musical axes to grind. Justin Bieber has grown up and is no longer blaring in our cultural continuousness. So who is the most hated band these days? After the 2019 Super Bowl, Maroon 5, for taking to the stage when the NFL was in the middle of racial controversy around Colin Kaepernick’s taking a knee during the National Anthem, and many other musical acts refused to play that year. Or is it the “rock groups” who take the name of rock ‘n’ roll in vain? Imagine Dragons or Coldplay, who has garnered a lot of hate due to their pop sound and supposed generic sound?  

    THIS JOY IS ELECTRIC. “There’s not much to hate about Coldplay. But every time I hear one of their songs I kind of don’t realize I’m listening to anything,” my coworker once said. Many listeners have also come to this conclusion. In the video “Where Coldplay Went Wrong,” critic Frank Furtado, of the YouTube channel Middle 8, argues that Coldplay is the commercialized version of more talented, authentic bands more hidden in the scene. He also argues that lead vocalist Chris Martin’s avoidance of personal details in his lyrics makes their songs mediocre at best. Finally, he argues that by singing Viva La Vida, Or Death and All His Friends, the band has been virtually producing the same record over and over again, watering down their lyrical and musical depth in the process with the exception of 2019’s Everyday Life. One thing Furtado doesn’t talk about, though, is the danger of working with the same producers’ album after album. Perhaps Coldplay’s relationship with producers Brian Eno and Rik Simpson is to blame. Essentially, Coldplay is using the same ingredients and mixing them differently. 

    GOT ME SINGIN’ EVERY SECOND, DANCIN’ EVERY HOUR. Still, I admire Coldplay for their use of the recording studio as a musical instrument. Bigger than Coldplay is the production of Brian Eno, the producer who created three of U2’s most iconic albums The Joshua Tree, Achtung Baby, and All That You Can’t Leave Behind,  worked with Genesis, Devo, Toto, and David Bowie, and scored The Lovely Bones—the soundtrack making the movie watchable. But for their latest single, Coldplay turns to a producer with a  “Higher Power,” Max Martin, the producer with the second most Hot 100 number 1 hits under his belt, second to The Beatles’ producer George Martin. Starting with Ace of Base in the early ’90s and then writing and producing for the Backstreet Boys, Martin would score his first number-one hit with Britney Spears in 1998 and then again with “It’s Gonna Be May,” I meant, “It’s Gonna Be Me” for *NSYNC. He cultivated Katy Perry to become a hit producer, then took P!nk to the top of the charts. He replaced the banjos for EDM with Taylor Swift taking her from the top of the country charts to the top of the pop charts. He introduced the pop charts to dark R&B singer The Weeknd. However, Martin’s production doesn’t always mean success these days. Carly Rae Jepsen‘s Max Martin production on E-MO-TION and
    Dedicated and J-Lo’s “First Love” were minor hits. “Higher Power” was a moderate comeback hit for Coldplay, but it was the other Max Martin track featuring BTS, “My Universe” that would take Coldplay to the top of the charts again. 
    Performance Video:
    Official Dance Video:
    Official Music Video:


    Read the lyrics on Genius.

  • "Silver Horizon" by Trey Pearson, Monday, January 30, 2023 (partial repost)

    Everyday Sunday was a Christian Rock band from Ohio that grew in popularity thanks to RadioU and TVU, which aired their played their independent music alongside other major Christian rock acts. The band signed to Flicker Records in 2002 before the label folded and then signed to Peter Furler‘s Inpop Records before going independent in 2013. The band was mostly forgotten with the countless Christian Rock bands of the early ’00s, until lead singer Trey Pearson made headlines in May 2016. Pearson had recently divorced his wife of seven and half years. The couple had two children and the divorce was amicable, but Pearson came out to his wife and his family as gay.

    I MADE IT TO THE OTHER SIDE/ AND I SAW YOU. In May 2016, Trey Pearson came out publicly–career suicide for almost everyone hoping to stay in the Christian music industry. But with a changing music climate in which independent artists have a larger platform and with a broader LGBTQ community and allies both in and out of the church and in and out of the ex-vengelical movement, Pearson makes music authentic to himself, with or without the Everyday Sunday folks. Following his coming out, Pearson released an EP titled Love Is Love. The EP produced three singles, including the song “Silver Horizon,” for which he filmed a video. Musically, Pearson strays from the post-grunge Christian Rock sounds of Everyday Sunday in favor of ’80s-inspired synth-based music. Thematically, Pearson draws on his coming out experience as well as his faith on Love Is Love. Faith is still important to Trey, which can be seen in the lyrics of Love Is Love and in the single “Silver Horizon.” Without the context of Pearson’s life story, the song is vague and could be about a number of struggles, and the person whom Trey finds could be God or a partner. However, the music video interprets the song. 

    TRYING TO BREAK THAT CHAIN/ PULLING ALL THAT WEIGHT/ WELL, IT JUST MAKES YOU STRONGER. At the beginning of the video for “Silver Horizon,” Trey Pearson walks into a large, traditional-looking church to watch a young man lip-syncing to “Silver Horizon.” As the song goes on, the young man starts dancing more confidently, and the camera focuses on another young man smiling at him. The video flashes back to Pearson singing the song in his room. The climax of the video is when the boy in the congregation runs to the front of the sanctuary to kiss the singer. The congregation is shocked, but then erupts into applause, including the pastor. Pearson watches proudly from the back of the church. Of course, not all of the LGBTQ community will embrace this message. It was, after all, oppressive Evangelical Christian rock scene that kept Pearson in the closet, had him deny his sexuality, and marry a woman he could not truly love. But as churches become more and more divided on LGBTQ affirmation, Trey Pearson’s video shows that churches can be places where gay people belong. The video for “Silver Horizon” credits Martin Rodahl and 13 Reasons Why author Jay Asher as the executive producers. Last year, Pearson revealed that he was working with Asher on a film project telling his story that viewers should see very soon. While things may seem dark, the horizon is silver. 


  • "Love Dive" by IVE (아이브), Sunday, January 29, 2023

     

    The two biggest upcoming Korean girl groups these days are NewJeans and IVE. The two groups follow in a long line of girl K-pop traditions following a reign of male K-pop bands. Of course there’s BLACKPINK who is headlining a night at Coachella later this year. G(i)dle and Twice are still making music. But the omnipresence of NewJeans’ “Ditto” and IVE’s “Love Dive” on Instagram, in the Korean grocery stores, cafes,  clubs and bars in Korea, K-pop clubs in WEHO–practically everywhere. 


    I’M REALLY CURIOUS ABOUT YOU.  “Love Dive” has the musical a bas for an electric dance track–a marching beat, musical change ups between verse, bridge, and chorus creating multiple hooks, with sound waves expanding and diffracting at key moments to keep listeners interested. In addition to the song itself, the school girl uniforms  the members of IVE wear  in a few of the scenes are reminiscent of Britney Spears‘ classic “…Baby One More Time.” The effects in the video further the expensive videos of electro teen pop in the ’00s, with IVE flying on a fantastical birdlike aircraft. All the while video stays grounded with the dance sequences taking place in what looks like a mansion fit for cupid–the girls even donning heart arrows at one point before the first chorus.  Lyrically the song draws upon the myth of Narcissus, a man who loved his own image so much that when he looked upon himself in a pool of water he falls in and drowns. The comparison between this song and the myth, though, falls flat as the word narcissist apparently besets the meaning of the song. The lyrics seem to not deal with narcissism, but rather falling in love with someone else so much that the speaker must dive into it.

    IT’S SO BAD, IT’S GOOD. Diving in head-first to a relationship can be scary. You don’t know the other person and ultimately, in most cases, you will have more love for yourself than the attraction for the other person will allow you to commit to them. Your first relationship is with you, the narcissist, if we’re going to make sense of this song. But ultimately, you have to put aside that self-love in a chance that you will fall in love and it will be reciprocated. It’s a love dive. It’s a leap of faith. It’s risky and sometimes you dive into the wrong pool. But if you wade in, you’ll feel cold and leave the pool. That’s why we dive in. As I’ve been having many insightful conversations about my past as I’ve been home in North Carolina, I’ve realized that I jumped into the wrong pool in my past. But it wasn’t love; it was religion. It felt cold when I stuck my toe in high school. But something told me that if I just dove in, everything would make sense and it would become true for me. But I had dove into the wrong pool and I was not happy.  

    Lyric video:

    Music video:

  • “The Path” by Lorde, Saturday, January 28, 2023

     

    My blog hasn’t been properly introduced to Lorde. Ella Yelich-O’Connor became a superstar at the age of sixteen when her hit “Royals” became a global success.  Her sophomore record Melodrama, recorded with Jack Antonoff, explored the artist’s growing up in the midst of partying and becoming an adult. And in 2021, Lorde and Antonoff produced another record, Solar Power. Unlike her previous works, Solar Power wasn’t as well received.

    CAUGHT IN THE COMPLEX DIVORCE OF THE SEASONS. One of the reasons I think that Solar Power wasn’t well received was for its unconventional, often experimental song structures. Both the first and second tracks on Solar Power, today’s song “The Path” and the eponymous track follow a pattern of getting to the chorus at the end of the song. It’s the diametric opposition to the “don’t bore us, get to the chorus” typical in radio pop music. However, there is another reason why Solar Power failed to resonate with listeners. Besides taking on the timbre of a folk record, Solar Power sets a simultaneous vibe of trying to be social but feeling lonely inside. Also, there seems to be a clear “divorce” between how New Zealand and the United States handled the pandemic. New Zealand fared much better than the United States as far as infections and deaths.  The music videos of for both “The Path” and “Solar Power” depict Lorde with a group of people near the beach. In other tracks like “Leader of a New Regime” and “Mood Ring” feel like Lorde is part of a commune or a cult. In today’s song, the speaker seeks answers for life’s questions with “I hope the sun will show us the path.”

    I HOPE THE SUN WILL SHOW US THE PATH. “The Path” reminds us that a celebrity cannot molly her fans. Lorde doesn’t claim to have the answers or a formula that her fans should follow. We’re offered glimpses into incidents in her past; in today’s song it’s images from the Met Gala. It’s almost as if these images from her past are distant memories as the speaker seeks reprogramming in the natural world where the “sun show[s] us the path.” But with so many voices competing for pop stardom during the pandemic, Lorde’s underwhelming utopian visions fell between the cracks. But while Solar Power may not have resonated with 2021 audiences, that’s not to say that the record won’t be relevant later. Many of us are looking for direction and looking new solutions. Maybe we’re not looking to find a nature commune or looking for nature to show us the path, but maybe looking for different solutions. As the year is starting out, we’re looking for a new path. What’s your solar power?

  • "Without You" by Tyler Ward ft. Alyson Stoner, Friday, January 27, 2023 (repost)

    In 2012, Tyler Ward released Hello. Love. Heartbreak, an EP that would shift his music back to originals rather than covers. Before YouTube, the singer-songwriter struggled to find a following, playing local gigs and recording his music at home, practicing his production on himself. He had uploaded covers of popular songs, but didn’t get a following until he had heard that famous singers were going to record a new version of “We Are the World.” So before the new version of ‘We Are the World” was uploaded to YouTube, Ward covered the song, and for a short time, his version was the first video that appeared when viewers searched for the song! Viewers then started subscribing to Tyler’s YouTube channel, discovering his cover songs, and today the singer has 2 million subscribers.


    I COULD HEAR MY SONG PLAYING ON THE RADIO. Thanks to YouTube and Patreon, Tyler Ward has built a successful YouTube music model. Like fellow YouTubers Kurt Hugo Schneider, Sam Tsui, and Boyce Avenue, Ward has done world tours. The YouTube musicians formed a community, often collaborating in each other’s songs. “Without You” features Disney Channel actress-turned singer-songwriter Alyson Stoner, offering harmonies on the track. When Tyler started releasing mostly original music, I wasn’t as interested in him. His 2007 record Vol. 1 was an example of him experimenting with genre–rock, pop, storytelling, but it took him a while to get into the groove of writing music as a pop singer. However, from time to time I find myself listening to a song or two of his. In May, I talked about his 2017 song “Teenage Summer.” Today’s song has beautiful harmonies together with Alyson. “Without You” was released in 2014 and in 2018, Ward released a 24-track compilation of his covers and originals in a record called Covers & Co-writes, featuring songs by Adele, Taylor Swift, Drake, and others, and collaborations with featuring artists like Tiffany Alvord, Chris Collins, Madilyn, and others.

    FACE ON THE COVER OF TIME TIME MAGAZINE. In a performance of “Without You,” Ward says that the song is about a special person, whether a parent, sibling, lover, or friend. Becoming famous and losing the ones you love isn’t worth the fame. On the Podcast Tommy2.net, Ward talks about how he felt that he mishandled his early fame, drinking too much and trying to fill the void with money and girls. He wanted to quit music until he “had a conversation with the maker of the universe” and found a new purpose in his music. Since that time, Ward has become evangelistic at times on social media, talking about a pornography addiction and sharing Bible verses. He has also covered several worship songs. Whatever happened during this dark time or after, the Reddit has a discussion about this. I hope that allegations of YouTuber and former collaborator Alex G are false. I hope that Tyler Ward has truly found a reason to make music, and I hope that he can be satisfied in his faith. However, it is disturbing how many people fall back on Christianity, turning to God to ease their consciences and never having to confess their sins to their fellow man, woman, or person. It makes me think of when Alec in Tess of the d’Urbervilles comes back as a minister, downplaying that he raped her and telling her that she just needs to believe in God. No, I’m not personally calling out Tyler Ward, but please religious people, let’s do better. 

  • “Go Your Own Way” by Fleetwood Mac, Thursday, January 26, 2023 (partial repost)

     Fleetwood Mac‘s best known record is Rumors, their 1977 album featuring the vocals of Lindsey Buckingham and Stevie Nicks. However, these members had been recent additions. Formed in 1967 in the UK with drummer Mick Fleetwood and bassist John “Mac” McVie, the band went through numerous iterations before arriving on the pop charts with their most well-known line up. The subject matter of the hit album is the relationship drama behind the scenes with the band. It’s truly a fascinating story of change and rock ‘n’ roll development that saw the band change from a ’60s blues rock band to a late ’70s hitmaker, with a guitarist who left due to schizophrenia, another guitarist abandoning the group while on tour to join a California sex-evangelism cult, a turbulent marriage between the keyboardist Christine McVie and bass player, and then there’s Stevie Nicks.

    WE CAN CALL IT ANOTHER LONELY DAY. I don’t have much memory of “Go Your Own Way” when I was growing up. Released 10 years before I was born, it would have been played on classic rock stations, but even when my mom started listening to classic rock in the car, I don’t remember hearing this song. However, I do remember both my mom and dad changed the channel whenever Fleetwood Mac came on the radio. They said they heard too much of this album back in the late ’70s. My mom’s friend listened to it on repeat, so she had heard it enough for a lifetime. My first memory of this song is from the Forest Gump soundtrack. But the memory of this song is about a trip to Florida in mid-July 2012. I was going down to Florida by myself for the first time. I was going to stay with my grandfather and visit my friends. River was getting married, and it was a kind of a college reunion of a lot of my friends. My college was fed by many Adventist high schools, and many of my friends had graduated from the Adventist high school in Orlando, which coincidentally was my mom’s hometown. Several occasions over summer vacation I visited my Orlando friends, and this would be the last of these trips before going to Korea.

    IF I COULD, MAYBE I’D GIVE YOU MY WORLD. “Go Your Own Way” is a break up song sung by two members in a band who hooked up, dated, then went their own way. Fleetwood Mac continued with their classic lineup into the ‘80s. They’d fight, threaten to break up, someone would leave, then come back again. The band was more like a dysfunctional family with a bond that kept them together. I think about the reasons I chose to “Go My Own Way” and what my family may think about it.  Of course my mood when writing is skewed by the platform’s mobile unfriendly nature. It’s three weeks after three years so it’s a time that I’m supposed to just suck up and deal with. Yet, being a child for three weeks is torture. 

    Read “Go Your Own Way” by Fleetwood Mac on Genius.

  • “Tell Me If You Wanna Go Home” by Keira Knightly, Wednesday, January 25, 2023 (warning: strong language)

     

    The 2013 film Begin Again stars Keira Knghtley, Mark Ruffalo, Maroon 5’s Adam Levine. The film tells the story of a heartbroken English singer-songwriter, Gretta James (Knightley), betrayed by her boyfriend, David Kohl (Levine), when he becomes a superstar and cheats on her while on tour. Gretta processes the breakup by recording an album dealing with the end of the relationship. But beyond the theme of heartbreak, the film deals with the state of the music industry. Without spoiling the ending, Gretta sticks it to the joint-stock capitalist record label in a very satisfying way. 


    HELL, JUST THROW ME. I want to talk about my admiration for the film, and I’m sure I will. But today I’m pissed off, and it has to deal with he subject of this song. So I’m going to rant instead. I’m in America righ now, specifically Anytown, USA where there’s no god damn Internet. My parents don’t have Internet and I’m going though withdrawals. Fortunately, I have mobile data but the fucking cellphone companies are greedier than Korean cellphone companies charge for using a hotspot. After paying an obscene amount of money for limited data and 5 gb of mobile hotspot data, I found out that my hotspot won’t work—the in-store service rep says that it’s probably the e-sim. There might be a few other options, but for tonight, I’m hunched over my phone typing on a Bluetooth keyboard.


    YOU DON’T HAVE TO KILL SO KIND. I feel especially shitty about how I treated my mom after I came back to the car after meeting with the sales rep. After explaining the situation, I said of course they couldn’t solve the problem. She said, “You’re alway like this when you come home. It’s only three weeks.” I said that I needed the internet on my computer because I had stuff to prepare for work. I was so annoyed with her that she couldn’t understand that I need the internet and that not having it is ruining my time at home. She made me sound like I was an ungrateful child. But that’s just it. I felt like an ungrateful child. With the emphasis on being a child—at the whim of whatever or whoever could offer me a ride. No fucking respect for my autonomy, that I write every day or that I use my computer constantly for anything. I always thought about “Tell Me If You Wanna Go Home” as a song about wanting to go back to a simpler time, like when every day your parents had a plan for much of your free time. But today, I’m realizing that going back to that time is impossible and super uncomfortable.


    Read the lyrics on Genius.

    Film version:

    Soundtrack version: